


Thomas' family

by Unknown_Writer



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Bates is Thomas' guardian angel, Downstairs as family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Off screen domestic violence, Protective Family, References To Canon Suicide Attempt, Romance, Thomas and Bates friendship, Thomas belongs to George and Sybbie, healthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 21:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17906375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unknown_Writer/pseuds/Unknown_Writer
Summary: Thomas has always maintained he has no idea what it is like to be in a relationship with people being happy for him.He is about to find out.After a disastrous attempt at dating he decides to close his heart to romance and concentrate on his family downstairs and the children. His family have other ideas when the right person arrives.The children just want their Barrow happy.They have plans to make this happen.





	Thomas' family

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the show or characters

The sun wasn’t up yet, but Thomas could feel it was getting was getting towards dawn and he needed to be back at Downton before the hall boy began his rounds waking everyone to start the day. He hadn’t slept last night, not daring to move in case he woke the man next to him. It was early enough he would be able to escape without the accusations and possibly fists that would be hurled at him.

Carefully, holding his ribs as he began to sit up, Thomas slipped from the bed and began to dress, moving stiffly as he did so, his eyes never leaving the still sleeping figure.

Taking a fortifying breath, Thomas crept to the door and spoke. ‘I’ve got to go Jack.’ He didn’t wait for a response and instead left the room as fast as possible.

Opening the front door, he took a deep breath as he escaped into freedom and hurried as much as he could towards the Abbey. He knew where he was, it wasn’t the first time he had been to this house and he knew how long it would take to get back home. The main concern though wasn’t the distance, he could manage that no matter how battered he was.

He had to pass the Bates house to get home.

They would know exactly where he had been, okay maybe not exactly, but his shade was the worst kept secret in all of Downton. There was no other reason he would be out at this time of the morning and he certainly knew Mr Bates was no fool.

He was a Butler now, had been for six months and he had a reputation and a standard to uphold. He couldn’t be seen to be putting a foot wrong. He hadn’t meant to be out all night, it had been supposed to be a quick meet up and then back before anyone noticed.

He just hadn’t been able to leave.

The fear had been one he hadn’t felt for years, not since he had escaped his father and his version of discipline. He had sworn he would never feel that way again, and yet here he was again.

What did that say about him? That he had chosen a person who had been as bad as his father. Worse even, his father never pretended to care by the end. Just the labour in his shop and a burden he had to feed.

His thoughts had brought him further than he had realised as he spotted the Bates’ cottage. Gritting his teeth, he pushed forward, doing his best to stand straight, but unable to completely stand as he normally did and his limp becoming more pronounced as he tried to make sure he was unseen. Turning the corner he slowed again and took some shallow breaths not wanting to aggravate his chest more.

He was nearly there.

Nearly home.

Nearly safe. 

Slipping into his bedroom, Thomas cursed the number of stairs it took before he could close his bedroom door. He had made it before anyone was up, even Mrs Patmore and Daisy.

He looked over that the clock, it was earlier than he had thought, a thought that made his stomach churn. What if Jack noticed Thomas had left so early?

No, he couldn’t think that. He wasn’t going to see him again, couldn’t see him again. If he stayed at Downton, he’d be safe here. No one would ever know about last night, not that he would ever have shouted it from the rooftops as it was, but the humiliation. What he had allowed to happen? What he had forced Jack to do-No, that wasn’t right.

Thomas angrily swiped at his cheeks as he sank into his familiar and secure bed, he was not crying and last night was not his fault. He would even admit to himself which one of those statements was the lie when he could stop his hands shaking.

Taking a shuddering breath, slipped off his jacket and waistcoat, habit forcing him to fold them neatly and place them on the chair next to him. The tie and shirt were next before he slipped off his shoes and trousers adding them to the pile.

A Bath. That was what he needed, wash away everything from the previous night and start the day fresh. He still had time, no one else from the men’s side was up yet, though he could now just start to hear the kitchen come to life downstairs. Pulling on a pair of pyjamas and his dressing gown before gathering his towel and bathing things, he slipped over to the bathroom.

Filling the tub, he tried not to flinch at the bad memories that always accompanied this bathroom. The despair, the grief and the final peace as he had felt the blood drain from his body into the warm water. He pushed it back, the memories of the bright lights, the cold and shivering that wouldn’t stop ebbed away. Instead they were replaced with the comfort of soft voices all around him as he was manhandled, stripped and warmed up again, gentle hands soothing him and Miss Baxter’s voice gently talking to him as he was stitched back up. No judgements and recriminations, just gentleness, tears and love from people he knew he had wronged in so many ways over the years.

Of course, he still couldn’t remember all of that and look Mrs Hughes, Miss Baxter and Andy in the eye, the thought of being laid that bare, figuratively and physically, in front of the two women he saw as a sister and mother was mortifying, but that had been later. At the time, and if you pushed him he might even admit now, there were no other hands he would rather have had helping him. 

The tub was full and steaming as Thomas slipped off his clothes and sank into the warmth, feeling the heat sink into his very bones and he could finally breathe easier. He couldn’t stop the first choke, it snuck up through his throat and into the silence of the room. The tears followed swiftly, and the sobs were released, harshly and noisily no matter how hard he tried to stuff them back in.

The knock at the door wasn’t a surprise. He took a few short breaths and called out he would be out soon. The tears didn’t stop, he couldn’t halt their progress, but he held his breath hoping they would leave him in peace.

The voice which responded was a surprise.

‘Please can I come in Mr Barrow,’ Mr Bates called through the door.

‘I’m in the bath,’ Thomas stared at the door in disbelief at the speaker as well as the question.

‘I am well aware of that Mr Barrow, that wasn’t the question. Please can I come in.’

‘No, I will be out soon. I’m fine.’ Thomas began to scrub himself quickly, suddenly feeling hurried and alarmed. Mr Bates had always had this knack of making him simultaneously feeling as though he was five years old and he could see every thought Thomas had in his head. They may be friends now, but that didn’t mean Thomas wanted to be seen like this.

‘I sincerely doubt that Thomas.’ There was a rustle at the door before a cold breeze rushed in raising goosebumps on all his visible skin. Mr Bates slipped through the now unlocked bathroom door, closing it swiftly behind himself and relocking it much to Thomas’ shock.

‘Mr Bates-‘ Thomas outraged, trying to find it in him to make some scathing remark. He was good at those, he could cut a man to pieces just by channelling the anger that normally simmered near the surface. The anger he had worked to get rid of over the last year, to stop fighting with the world and to find some peace at last.

His throat closed, not allowing a sound to escape as the words that had been flung at him hours before reared their ugly head and shrank the anger into a mass of despair and hurt. Pain he hadn’t even realised those words could have on him.

He’d been hurt in the past, a lot, and he had survived. He’d been insulted by people he hated, people he cared about and people he knew nothing about. In those times though, he had been braced for it, there had been some situation or warning it was coming. Last night…there just wasn’t.

‘I’ll wait for your insult later,’ John Bates dismissed Thomas’ pause and outrage as he looked the man in the tub over. Thomas drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself, his eyes unable to meet the other mans in shame. ‘Is there anything broken, do you need me to get Doctor Clarkson?’ John took charge, his voice even and Thomas couldn’t find any judgement coming from the other man.

‘I’m fine.’ Thomas insisted ignoring the way his voice shook, turning his head away in case another tear fell.

‘You are not,’ John walked slowly to the tub, leaning heavily on his cane as he took in the bruises that littered Thomas’ chest and stomach. The very clear marks of hands on Thomas’ arms seemed to be getting darker by the minute though there did not seem to be any blood. Thomas was certain Bates knew there were more marks he wasn’t seeing, there would likely be bruising on his back, he could feel it loosening slightly in the warm water and his shin throbbed in time with his breathing. It probably meant it was going to swell up to three times the size by the time it was done. ‘I’m getting Anna to call Doctor Clarkson and the police.’

‘You can’t.’ Thomas blurted out. ‘I can’t see either of them. I can’t report it.’

Bates did not look at all surprised. ‘Doctor Clarkson then, he won’t be able to say anything with his oath. Thomas’ Bates paused a moment looking distinctly concerned and cautious at what he was about to say. ‘Did he force you? If he did-‘

‘He didn’t, he didn’t force me. It, the beating was after, I- no I wasn’t forced.’ Thomas instantly denied truthfully, meeting Bates eyes for the first time since the man had entered the room, and Bates relaxed slightly. ‘I did commit a crime though; Doctor Clarkson will have to report me.’ Thomas felt defeated.

‘He won’t report you for being beaten by a stranger who robbed you. You were injured and only just made it home this morning when we then called him.’ Thomas stared at the other man in disbelief that a lie like that came so easily from him.

‘I’ve only been back six months, they’ll get rid of me. Who would want a Butler who gets into so much trouble?’ Thomas slumped slightly. ‘I don’t want to go.’ He almost whispered.

‘His lordship will understand, I daresay he will even understand if he were to be told the truth.’ Thomas swallowed around the lump in his throat. ‘Let us not borrow trouble though, Doctor Clarkson is on his way and I think you would be more comfortable in your room waiting for him.’

‘What do you mean on his way, you haven’t even told Anna yet I might need him?’ Thomas ignored the soft snort at the word might.

‘We saw you pass the house and were worried when you seemed to be limping, but we were very concerned when we followed you back here and you never saw us or heard when little Phillip cried most of the journey here.’ Mr Bates explained with minimal words as he grabbed Thomas’ bath towel and held it up for him to get out of the tub and wrap it around himself.

Thomas decided for once in his life he would follow the flow, if he was out of it enough not to realise he had been followed by a not very discreet family trailing him, he was obviously not at his best. Refusing to meet the other man’s eyes, he stood and took the towel from the other man, struggling slightly as the got out of the tub. He swiftly dried himself and dressed once more as Bates emptied the tub and gathered the items Thomas had brought with him.

‘I just don’t understand why he did it? I just...’ Thomas trailed off, barely realising he had spoken as he slowly limped to the door, the fight finally drained from him.

‘Power. People who do anything like this feel they don’t have any power, so they need to take it, assert themselves over others, make them believe they are the weak ones and not them.’ Bates answered as he escorted the man out of the bedroom and down to Thomas’ room.

Thomas sat heavily onto his bed, glad no one else had seen them. ‘I always seem to pick them, the worst that is on offer, the unavailable ones or they just plain leave me. I think I have worse luck than Lady Edith, but I don’t think in my case some Prince Charming will sweep me away, not even sure I’ll rate a Prince Charming.’ Thomas frowned, then realised he was being a little too forward. Bates may know he is lavender, but having it shoved quite so forcefully in his face is still not a good idea. Being able to talk at all about it was just so refreshing after so many years of bottling it inside. This is the most he has ever discussed it with anyone. Thomas stole a quick look at the other man, but he was as unreadable as ever.

‘Maybe, maybe not. I believe Lady Edith had to search very hard and had a lot of heartbreak before she got her happy ending. Don’t give up hope.’ Bates spoke in his usual neutral tone, and Thomas was thankful something was normal in this dreadful morning.

‘It’s better to face harsh reality rather than false hope.’

‘Who said that?’

‘Doctor Clarkson after I-’ Thomas cut himself off, no need to go rehashing that. ‘Doctor Clarkson, a while back.’

‘Hope and false hope are two different things. Pinning all your dreams on one flight of fancy or hoping something that can never change is false hope. Aiming for something that could be out there and you do have a chance at is not false hope.’ The kind words finally broke the dam and the floodgates reopened. Mr Bates sat on the bed next to Thomas, placing a hand on the other man’s shoulder and allowed him to let out his pain and hurt.

There was a small knock on the door before it was opened and Anna and Doctor Clarkson entered, both looking concerned. Anna had an expression on her face Thomas had never seen before, not even after his suicide attempt, though then she had tried to be upbeat and concerned. Now, she just looked worried and scared.

Thomas hurriedly turned his face away, wiping at his tears furiously, embarrassed to have been seen by her in this state.

‘Thomas, how are you today?’ Doctor Clarkson sounded professional and warm as he set down his bag and removed his hat and coat.

‘I’ll wait downstairs,’ Anna gave a quick nod and shut the door behind her leaving the three men in the small room.

Thomas didn’t feel lucky, but with no broken bones and no internal injuries, he knew he should. Doctor Clarkson hadn’t been fooled for a moment by the story but had been kind and reassuring.

Thomas took a drag of his cigarette as he leant against the wall outside, recognising how lucky he was, a Doctor who had offered sympathy and kindness, friends who hadn’t judged him and a house in which gossip spread faster than wildfire. Okay, the last one was where his luck ended.

His Lordship had been as understanding as Bates had said. Thomas had refused to stay in his room as Doctor Clarkson had recommended. There was no bruising on his face and nothing that prevented him being seen upstairs, and so while he would move slower and maybe not be able to handle very heavy trays, he could still supervise and run the house smoothly.

He would not let the house down.

Breakfast had been a small affair with only His Lordship, Branson and Lady Mary at the table, a fact he felt very thankful for with the grilling he was then subjected to.

He had managed to escape with a small explanation he had trusted the wrong person, someone who had once been a friend who had suddenly turned. The knowing looks between them said they could read between the lines, however no more was said except to tell him to take it easy and heal swiftly.

The relief was staggering, though he managed to keep his impeccable servants blank in place as he thanked them. They all pretended not to see the slight relaxing he couldn’t control.

Putting out his cigarette, he started to head back inside. Breakfast was finished and the kitchen was still humming. He knew Mrs Hughes had the maids begin their day cleaning and tidying while Andy was still showing the new footman, Peter, his way round. The young man was doing well and in time may even be a very good footman.

Hopefully he would be fully trained for whenever Andy decided to work full time at the farm, though Thomas personally suspected that may still a way off. The hall boys would need to be supervised more through the day, though they were hard workers, Thomas had no doubts as to what they did when he wasn’t around.

The day ended up being quiet with the family being out of the Abbey for the most part, allowing them to clean without needing to change rooms as the family moved around. Thomas took charge of winding the clocks, ignoring the smiles Miss Baxter and Mrs Hughes gave him. He knew it was a job for the footman, but he needed something to relax him, and winding the clocks always settled him in a way he could never explain.

Serving the evening dinner Thomas found the hardest part of the day. He was truly exhausted with far too little sleep and most of his body throbbed, finally rebelling against the abuse he had further inflicted on himself.  He knew he was too quiet through the servant’s dinner, but no one questioned him. It was a fact he was truly grateful for and told himself he would be embarrassed by their knowing glances later when he had the energy.

Making a decision to head straight to bed as soon as the last plate was cleared, he was close to saying his good nights and asking Mrs Hughes to lock up when he realised the noise he could hear were two pairs of small feet pitter pattering down the stairs at a speed Thomas knew meant he would need to brace himself for.

Miss Baxter, sensing there could be a further injury casually stepped in front of Thomas to his eternal relief, ready to intercept any child who grabbed him too hard.

‘Mr Bawoww!’ Master George and Miss Sybbies voices called out to him began a mad dash looking into each of the rooms.

‘Over here Master George, Miss Sybbie.’ Thomas called out feeling a surge of adrenaline at the sight of two of his favourite children, a grin creeping up on his face. Nothing would ever cheer him as much as those two, though the young Bates baby was growing quickly on him.

The two beaming faces of the children peered around the corner even as Thomas guessed they were trying to look serious, as serious as they could in their night clothes, Master George with a toy stethoscope around his neck, a teddy in one hand and a book in the other. Miss Sybbie on the other hand had a nurses hat on, a sight that squeezed Thomas’ heart for a second at how much she looked like her mother, and a doll and blanket in her arms.

‘Mr Bawoww, we’re here to make you all better.’ Miss Sybbie announced, Master George nodding as seriously as he could even as the two children exchanged giggles.

‘Shouldn’t you two be in bed asleep? What will Nanny think if she finds you missing?’ Thomas didn’t kneel down as he normally did with the two children, he was certain he would never get up again but he opened his arms in an invitation they didn’t refuse as they dropped the items in their arms on the floor before gently walking into his arms and hugging him gently.

‘Nanny has a headache and gone to bed. We needed to see you.’ Master George mumbled into Thomas’ stomach.

‘We need to make you better. Daddy said you got hurt,’ Miss Sybbie added.

‘I’m already better for seeing you both.’ Thomas told them quietly, knowing full well that there were many ears listening to them even as they seemed to bustle about and begin their evening activities, playing cards, reading magazines and catching up on mending.

‘We’re going to make you even better. Nanny says you have to be in your night clothes when you’re sick.’ Miss Sybbie demanded as the two children stepped back and looked at him critically as though they expected him to suddenly have changed. Thomas had the unusual sensation of being judged by two very small people and that he was in the wrong.

‘I’m sure she does, but I’m a little old for a Nanny put me in night clothes’ Thomas explained gently, having no desire to be so vulnerable in front of them.

‘You were in them last time you were sick,’ Master George looked at him accusingly and Miss Sybbie instantly agreed with her cousin. Thomas tried not to wince.

‘I was a lot sicker then Master George.’ Thomas told the boy gently, knowing the children were far too young to understand the situation. The children did not look convinced though.

‘Your hair isn’t as floppy as it was then.’ George conceded slightly and Thomas tried not to feel like a bug under a microscope as their focus shifted to his hair. The urge to pat his hair or look in a mirror to make sure it was still in place was overwhelming.

He wasn’t going to forget to speak to Miss Baxter later though about her very unconvincing cough as she tried to cover up her snort. Mr Bates at least had a slightly better poker face as his lips just twitched while Anna and Mrs Hughes had to cover their faces, not daring to look at anyone else. He couldn’t see Mrs Patmore, Andy and Daisy from where he was standing, but he suspected he would not be impressed.

‘You need to sit down so we can make you better now,’ Miss Sybbie demanded, grabbing Thomas’ hand and pulling him towards the armchair next to the fire. ‘Even if you are refusing to put on your night clothes.’ She added stubbornly, as though it would make all the difference to his health.

He wasn’t going to be able to escape all they had planned it seemed Thomas resigned himself. He never could say no to those two angelic faces, even when he knew it was going to cause him embarrassment and a loss of dignity.

His inability to ever say no to them was a fact the other servants knew full well as Thomas realised with amusement they weren’t going to leave him. Normally the Bates’, Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore would leave after dinner. Tonight though, everyone was settling in around the table, pulling out sewing projects and packs of cards in what Thomas knew was an interest to see the doctoring the children had planned for Thomas.  It was strange to think in the past he would have snapped at them or thought they were just out to embarrass him.

 Now, he accepted it was just what family did. Looking out for him in case he needed help or saving from the imps at worst, at best, enjoying the love he and the children shared.

Following their instructions, he gently sat in the chair, hoping someone later would be able to lever him out again, it was a little further down than he remembered. Master George ran back to the pile of items they had brought, gathered them up and brought them back to Thomas.

‘We’re going to read to you. It always makes us feel better when you read to us.’ Master George stated.

‘And we brought our best dollies because they make you feel better,’ Miss Sybbie added before looking thoughtful. ‘Do you have a dolly? We can get it for you!’ She looked as though one nod from him would send her running up to his room to fetch whatever Thomas asked for.

‘I don’t Miss Sybbie, but thank you for the thought.’ The look of devastation on both children’s faces made him feel as though he had just announced the end of the world. It made Thomas regret that he hadn’t managed to save anything from his childhood as his father had burned everything of his when he had been forced from his home. He’d been too scared and angry at the betrayal to feel the sadness at the loss of his world, only really mourning it so many years later as he began to accept the whole world was not at war with him.

‘You can keep ours,’ Miss Sybbie pushed her dolly into Thomas’ arm while Master George did the same in his other arm.

‘Then you won’t ever be sad again.’ Master George added solemnly and Thomas’ heart exploded at the kindness and tenderness the children were showing him and he forced himself not to cry at the feeling he hadn’t often felt.

‘How can I ever be sad with you two around? And Miss Princess Ruby Elizabeth Sparkle Flower and Master Brave Teddy would miss you a lot. How about they come visit me if you think I look sad?’ Thomas negotiated, thankful his voice didn’t break with emotion, refusing to be even slightly embarrassed at knowing the teddies names.

Everyone knew their names.

Really.

‘Okay,’ Miss Sybbie reluctantly agreed. A look was shared between the children and it seemed the next phase of their plan was underway as they both started to climb on his lap. Thomas shifted quickly, gasping slightly as he narrowly avoided having a greater pain inflicted on himself as Miss Sybbie stepped heavily in his lap. Out of nowhere, Andy appeared and took control of the situation.

‘Hang on Miss Sybbie, let’s do this carefully. Ready?’ Andy asked her gently before lifting her up and placing her safely on one side of him, and after a quick exchange of silent glances with Thomas did the same with Master George, tucking him in on the other side. Taking the blanket, he draped it across their laps, tucking it in tightly into their sides and finally gave Thomas the book that had been brought down. It was a snug fit with two toys, one adult and two children that try as they might, wriggled incessantly.

There was no where Thomas would rather be.

Master George instantly grabbed the book back. ‘We’re going to read to you,’ he insisted determinedly. Thomas wasn’t going to argue but he didn’t have much hope for this. He had begun reading to the children a long while back, and after a while, they had begun pointing out letters, then with Thomas’ help, began working out sounds and words. They were no by no means literate, but they had small grasp of reading. He had in fact started with them before teaching Andy, using what worked with them for the older man.

The reading was slow going, but Thomas couldn’t be prouder of them. They were smart children and had picked it up quickly. Maybe this was what parents enjoyed? Passing on their passions to their children. It wasn’t something he would ever experience, parenthood, but this was enough.  He quickly silenced a potential fight that was about to start when neither wanted to stop reading but one clearing of his throat and suddenly sharing became a much easier task between them.

Between the children, they managed a paragraph, a feat he was impressed with. They stumbled and spelled out words, not deterred, a stubbornness he was sure came from their mothers.

‘May I have a go now?’ Thomas asked and was rewarded with a concerned look.

‘But we’re supposed to make you feel better!’ Master George was wide eyed in worry this may set back Thomas’ healing.

‘You have, you have both made me feel a lot better. So much better, I think I could manage a page or two.’

‘With voices?’ Miss Sybbie instantly eyed him suspiciously.

‘With voices’ Thomas confirmed and began to read the book out loud raising his voice slightly, fully aware everyone in the room was listening to the story. Complete with voices.

He wasn’t wrapped around these children’s fingers. Not at all.

The next thing Thomas was aware of was that he was warm. Very warm. His bed was never this hot.

There was something in his arms, something he couldn’t let go of. He held on tighter as he felt something tugging at him. No, he couldn’t let go, it was too precious.

‘Barrow, you can let go now, it’s okay.’ A voice cut through the fog, waking him up slightly. Not moving, he suddenly realised what had woken him, there were people nearby and the weight in his arms kept moving.

Forcing his eyes open, he realised he the movement was Mr Talbot and Mr Branson trying to extricate their children from his arms, doing their best not to wake him or the children while Lady Mary was removing the blanket from where it was well tucked into their sides to be able to get a grip on the children.

‘Lady Mary, Mr Branson, I’m sorry,’ Thomas relaxed his grip on the children and allowed Mr Talbot and Mr Branson to lift the sleeping children from his lap. Lady Mary standing by his chair put a gentle hand on his shoulder indicating he should stay still and not rise as was expected.

‘Nonsense Barrow. I hope they made you feel better, though I will speak to them about worrying Nanny and bedtimes.’ Lady Mary smiled at him.

‘They did Milady, but I should have sent them back to bed. Please don’t let them be on trouble because of me.’ Thomas apologised again.

‘I have a feeling stubbornness is something they inherited honestly Barrow and no matter what Nanny had done they would have been to see their Mr Barrow and charmed him into whatever scheme they had in their heads.’ Lady Mary waved off the apology with an amused look.

‘Yes Milady,’ Barrow ducked his head in a futile attempt to hide his smile while the other two men didn’t even try to hide their chuckles. Mr Talbot didn’t really understand Thomas’ relationship with his stepson, but he followed Lady Marys lead and mostly watched in amusement as the children cocooned the Butler into their web and made him do all sorts of things they would have never expected from the well-groomed and dignified man. ‘I’m sure Lady Sybil would have been proud of them, they were very dedicated to doctoring me Milady.’ The words slipped out before Thomas could stop them but from the smiles on Lady Mary and Mr Branson’s face, they were not a mistake.

‘We’ll let you get some proper sleep now Barrow, I’m sure you need it,’ Lady Mary looked at him with a kindness that was not often seen by others.

‘Their dollies Milady,’ Barrow held out the two toys that had still been in his lap to her, and Thomas suspected from Lady Marys raised eyebrow she could guess how he had ended up cuddling them. Thomas simply raised an eyebrow in return and no more was needed to be said.

‘Are you okay to get up Mr Barrow?’ Mr Branson asked, surprising Thomas that he had even thought Thomas would have problems standing up.

‘I’ll be fine Sir,’ Thomas lied, he could already feel how stiff he was just by shifting slightly in the chair and was dreading trying to get upright.

‘Don’t worry Mr Branson, we’ll help him,’ Miss Baxter’s voice surprised him from behind and before he knew it Mrs Hughes was also at his side. That made Thomas nervous, he knew they had helped to get him out of the bath, but he knew Andy had been there and probably had taken more of his weight. If he fell, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt either of the ladies. It seemed the two men had similar thoughts.

‘Mrs Hughes, Miss Baxter, please could you hold George and Sybbie a moment,’ Mr Branson swiftly took charge and before a protest could be uttered, they two women were holding the sleeping children and Thomas had a solid arm underneath his elbows and was being helped to his feet.

As he had worried, he pitched forward, unable to stabilise himself fast enough but he never moved as Mr Branson and Mr Talbot held him steady allowing him to get his feet under himself.

‘Come on Mr Barrow, we’ll get you upstairs,’ Mr Talbot decided and began to lead him out of the room, a man on either side of him not giving him any other options.

‘I’m sorry Milady, we sent Andy to walk Daisy home soon after Mr Barrow fell asleep. We thought we would be able to cope. Mr Bates and Anna needed to get the baby into his own cot rather than sleeping in the basket, though Anna did say the wee bairn slept the best she could remember to Mr Barrows voice,’ Thomas could hear Mrs Hughes voice drift after them.

Thomas could feel himself easing slightly the further he walked and finally he could walk upright, even with the limp. While he hurt all over, and suspected he would for the near future, some of the lingering stiffness was at least tolerable. He was mostly thankful though at least this time there were no head injuries, unlike at the fair.

The sight of his room was a welcome sight as they reached the door. It felt as though they had walked miles even as he knew it was no further than normal.

‘Thank you, I’ll be okay from here.’ Thomas thanked them honestly.

‘Are you sure Mr Barrow, it’s no problem to help you get ready for bed.’ Mr Branson opened the door and led the other men inside, helping Thomas over to his bed.

‘I’ll be fine Sir, really.’ Thomas began to prove his point by kicking off his shoes and then easing off his livery carefully, but it was enough to show the men he would be able to sort himself out. Even if he had been on his death bed, there was no way he would ever let the men of upstairs get him changed. There were some limits he would never be able to break.

After wishing each other a goodnight, Thomas finished changing, deciding to forgo his usual pyjama top, deciding to stay in his under shirt and pyjama bottoms before slipping into a deep sleep, a smile refusing to leave his lips.

How this day had turned around was a miracle, the thought trickled through his mind before he slipped away.

Thomas knew it was far later than it should be when he awoke. It took him a few moments to realise his room as far too light and the Hall boy hadn’t knocked on his door. The adrenaline rocketed through him as he whipped back the blankets and fell straight onto the floor with a thump. He whimpered slightly as he realised he had stepped out with his bad leg and it had given way. The resulting thump had knocked the breath out of him and Thomas just lay there waiting for the pain to subside and his breath to return.

‘Mr Barrow, are you alright?’ A swift knock came at his door before it was opened and his day was complete when he saw Mr Branson standing there with Master George and Miss Sybbie. The children were in through the door before Mr Branson could stop them and were instantly by his side, terror on their faces.

‘Did you hurt your arm?’ Master George asked, lifting Thomas’ arm as he spotted the red scars on his wrist before Thomas could hide them. Miss Sybbies lip began to tremble and Master George, seeing how upset his cousin was similarly began to cry.

‘Is it because you aren’t wearing all of your pyjamas? Do you need your pyjama shirt?’ Miss Sybbie sobbed, her eyes never leaving her favourite Butler.

‘His hairs floppy again! We didn’t make him better!’ Master George added and the sobbing only got harder.

Thomas could feel himself feeling numb, not really taking in on what the children were distressed about and instead the shame of what he had done swept over him and the fear of how Mr Branson would look at him. There was no way to hide what the scars were from an adult and Thomas knew Mr Branson was anything but stupid.

‘Mr Barrow just fell over George. Can you and Sybbie go and get Mrs Hughes for me? He’ll be absolutely fine and giving you piggy back rides and treats right before dinner before you know it!’ Mr Branson knelt by the children and Thomas reassuringly. The tears were halted as the guilt on the children and Thomas’ faces took over from worry. Mr Branson just laughed as nudged them out of the door, the two men listening as they heard the pitter pattering of elephants running down the hall.

‘Can you get up or would you like a hand?’ Mr Branson asked a moment later assessing Thomas’ state.

‘Give me a moment,’ Thomas said through gritted teeth, then, taking a deep breath and using his bed, managed to sit up. Sir, I…’ Thomas trailed off, not knowing what to say.

‘I’m sorry for disturbing you. The children were worried when we didn’t see you this morning and Mrs Hughes said she had told everyone you were to sleep in today and recover after yesterday. I’m afraid the children escaped and decided to check on you themselves.’ Mr Branson looked slightly sheepish that he had allowed the children escape his line of sight and get so far from him. ‘I was concerned when I heard the bang.’

‘My wrists, I...’ Thomas trailed off again. Miss Baxter was right, he really was his own worst enemy. Mr Branson had given him an out, and he still couldn’t make himself take it Thomas mentally chastised himself.

‘I’ll have a word with the children to make sure they don’t tell anyone else. That is for you to say or not Thomas. I for one though am glad you are still here,’ Mr Branson was so earnest Thomas had to look away.

Clearing his throat of emotion, Thomas straightened himself up and ran a hand through his hair making it slightly more behaved. ‘I think I’m ready to stand now.’

‘Alright, on the count of three?’

‘Three,’ Thomas agreed, then paused. ‘Where is Mrs Hughes?’

‘Upstairs checking the rooms are made up. The children will be a while,’ Mr Branson answered. The two men looked at each other and couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up at how effectively the ex-chauffer had bought them some time.

‘Thank you.’ Thomas managed when he finished laughing, ‘about the treats-‘

‘I won’t tell Nanny if you don’t, but maybe waiting an hour before dinner rather than a few minutes.’ Mr Branson asked, his lips twitching.

‘We’ll see,’ Thomas partially agreed, knowing he would most likely do as Miss Sybbies father asked. Mr Branson rolled his eyes, knowing what Thomas was really saying. He may not be an expert in speaking Barrow, but he was getting the hang of it.

‘On three?’

‘On three.’ Mr Branson agreed.

While Thomas was still walking with a small limp, he was back to normal and had retaken his normal role in the house and life seemed to be back to normal for the household or whatever passed for normal.

Mr Bates did seem more concerned about him and Miss Baxter and Mrs Hughes had both had long conversations with him about the incident, wanting to know what had happened, how it happened and telling him there was no way he was ever going to see that man again.

It was nice, the concern they had shown him and even though Thomas had never felt so uncomfortable from their knowing looks and inferences, he decided to take the concern at face value. They weren’t going to call the police on him and neither showed disgust or horror at him and while they were not asking specifics from the night, they listened to him and reassured him.  

He really needed that confidence boost.

The children had returned to their normal rambunctious and mischievous selves in very little time. The first day Thomas had been well enough for piggy back rides had nearly crippled him as they virtually kept him prisoner in their nursery. It had only been Lady Mary passing by that he had made his escape.

‘Right, Andy can you go into town and pick up everything on the list. Mrs Patmore can tell you what she needs. I’ll take over lunch duty, its only the immediate family today.’ Thomas concluded setting out the day’s tasks. Seeing no one else had anything to say, he gave a sharp nod and went back to his office to start on the day’s books. He hated the paperwork, but it was necessary evil. At least once it was out of the way, he could begin on what he considered the real part of his job, and the best part if the day when he got to see the children.

A knock at his door made him look up to see Miss Baxter enter the room, closing the door behind her.

‘Mr Barrow, can I have a talk with you?’ Thomas could tell she looked nervous though he couldn’t think of anything going on that would make her look like that.

‘Of course, Miss Baxter.’

‘It’s very personal.’ Thomas raised his eyebrows, closed the leger in front of him and sat back giving her his full attention.

‘You haven’t left the house in weeks.’ That kind of personal Thomas realised as the words were thrown at him. He knew he should have expected this, that someone would notice, but he had hoped people wouldn’t question it.

‘I have,’ Thomas protested fully prepared to line out every time he had left with the family on a trip. Miss Baxter’s raised eyebrows and sceptical look told him he wasn’t going to get away that easily.

‘On your own?’ There were times Thomas really regretted making the vow to always be honest with his family. Lying would be so much easier and he could keep his secret a bit longer. Thomas looked away instead.

‘I haven’t really needed to go in to town.’ It wasn’t a lie. He hadn’t needed to go, but he did sometimes enjoy spending his half day in the town, seeing people and having a change of scenery. Miss Baxter’s look told him she knew all of this about him and he wasn’t getting away with anything. ‘My leg probably isn’t good enough for a walk that long.’

‘He won’t get you. Its daylight, there are people around. You’re safe.’ Miss Baxter’s voice was kind and gentle, and Thomas wanted to believe her.

‘He could get me again. He didn’t want me to leave. I just don’t want to risk it.’ Thomas finally admitted after the silence stretched out between them.

‘We’ll come with you, if he’s there he’ll see he can’t touch you. Tell us who he is, and we will know who to look out for.’ Miss Baxter suggested, and Thomas could already feel his head shaking.

‘I can’t. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. Give me some time and it will all blow over and it’ll all go back to normal. I promise.’ Thomas gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile, and it seemed to work as Miss Baxter backed off.

‘Okay Thomas, I’ll leave it for now, but we’re here for you. No one has any right to hurt you, ever. Don’t give him that power over you.’ They shared a bitter smile.

‘I guess we both share terrible taste in men.’ Thomas sighed and leaned back.

‘There is nothing wrong with Mr Moseley,’ Phyllis jokingly scolded him, knowing full well he was talking about Coyle. Thomas snorted at the protest.

‘Really, Mr Moseley,’ Thomas leaned closer, interested, as though no one knew they had been courting each other for the last month.

‘Don’t be smug Thomas, it doesn’t suit you.’ Phyllis told him primly and Thomas did laugh at that.

They stood and headed to the door. Thomas leant closer and kissed her cheek before whispering into her ear. ‘I am so pleased for you, Mr Moseley is a good man and you deserve the best. He and I may not always get on, but I know he loves you and will support and care for you.’ Miss Baxter smiled at him before opening the door.

‘You’re a good man Thomas Barrow,’ Miss Baxter turned back around and kissed him on the cheek before going down the corridor. Thomas flushed red at the affection, then even redder when he noticed they were had not been alone in the corridor as Daisy and Mrs Hughes had stopped to watch the exchange.

‘She isn’t wrong Mr Barrow, you are,’ Daisy grinned at him and then darted in and kissed him on the cheek as well.

‘Don’t even think about it, this isn’t kiss Thomas day!’ He pointed a finger at Mrs Hughes, but at her look dutifully stepped forwards and accepted the affection given to him. ‘I used to be intimidating and scary,’ Thomas grumbled.

‘Of course you were Mr Barrow,’ Mrs Hughes patted him on his arm consolingly and Thomas knew he was being mocked.

‘I’m still intimidating, I’m a Butler!’ Mrs Hughes amused expression didn’t change.

‘Yes Mr Barrow, you are as intimidating as Mr Carson.’ Mrs Hughes agreed with him.

‘You married him,’ Thomas protested, ‘you don’t find him at all intimidating.’ Mrs Hughes grinned as she walked off.

Maybe it was a good thing he wasn’t a second Mr Carson. He had learnt a lot from the man, and as a Butler, he hoped he would live up to the legacy Mr Carson had left. Outside of the job, in the evening and with the other servants, he didn’t want to be as removed. There would always be a distance between them, he couldn’t be their best friend when he was also in charge of them. But times were changing, there wasn’t the large staff as there had been in Mr Carson’s day, the role was changing as he was needed to take over roles Footman had traditionally held. With fewer of them, he was working with others and not as removed as Mr Carson had been able to. He was always going to be a different Butler from Mr Carson, and personally he needed to closeness of the family he had made downstairs.

Maybe one day he would even tell them that. His mother, Mrs Hughes, his father Mr Carson, the annoying cousin you never thought you would get along with but eventually do, Mr Bates, his sisters, Phyllis, Daisy and Anna, a brother in Andy and an Aunt in Mrs Patmore.

It was the first family he’d had since he was 12 and it had taken him a long time to find out how to be a part of a family. He hadn’t recognised it for a long time, resisted for even longer thinking no one would ever accept him and being angry for not being able to be a part of the downstairs world. He wasn’t going to let this life go, ever.

Maybe one day he would tell them the story, share a little of his past. Not today, but one day.

Going back into his office, Thomas restarted the ledger with a lighter spirit.

‘Come on Mr Barrow, you can’t stay here on your own, we’re all going and the whole family is out.’ Daisy wheedled and Thomas could feel himself weakening at Miss Baxter and Mrs Hughes expectant looks.

‘Wouldn’t you rather have a day away from my watchful eye.’ Thomas retorted, only partially joking but he was very aware of his position.

‘Not a chance Mr Barrow, you’re coming and we’re going to have a wonderful time,’ Anna declared, and from the nods others were giving Thomas capitulated.

‘Okay, okay, we will all have a wonderful time. I know when I am beaten.’ Thomas held his hands up in mock defeat.

‘It’ll be nice to have a picnic where we are the ones eating and not serving it,’ Andy commented as he began picking up one of the baskets Daisy and Mrs Patmore had made for the day. Thomas pulled on his coat and hat before grabbing the other basket and wasn’t surprised by the weight of it. Miss Baxter and Mrs Hughes picked up the blankets that had been looked out earlier and with much enthusiasm they headed out of the door, Thomas locking it behind them.

He had spoken to Lord Grantham earlier suggesting to him that he would remain behind in case anyone from the family returned. He was swiftly told to go with everyone else, the house could be shut and locked up while they were all out and not to waste a nice day such as this one. Thomas had done as he had been asked, though hoping everyone else would have let him stay behind.

Thomas could feel all the tension leave his body as they walked down the road. Daisy laughing and making jokes with the small group she had gathered around herself with the two hallboys and Peter, the new footman, Mrs Patmore and Mrs Hughes with their heads bent together talking quietly and Anna and Mr Bates sharing secretive smiles at each other and their son. Andy was walking next to him, the basket swinging back and forth, a feat Thomas was amazed at considering the weight. It was also nice that the hallboys, Gordon and Luke, and Peter, the new footman were here with them. Thomas wasn’t as close with them as the others, but he was sure given enough time they would fit into their family just as well. It was harder with the maids as they came just to clean from the village, they didn’t have the same connection with the rest of them. Just another sign of the changing times.

‘It is so nice to be out of the house,’ Andy mirrored Thomas’ thoughts.

‘I know, haven’t done anything like this for a while,’ Thomas agreed finally feeling glad he had been strong armed into coming. The pressure and fears he had of leaving the Abbey seemed to have been for nothing, or maybe since he wasn’t going into town it didn’t bother him as much as he had dreaded.

They weren’t in any hurry, having decided earlier in the day to go to a nice field nearby that they had been told was very picturesque. Animals and wildlife around, a small river running at the bottom. It sounded perfect, not too far away from the house they would be travelling for hours, but far enough that they had an afternoon off.

The field didn’t disappoint, it was as picturesque as promised. Thomas couldn’t help but laugh at the antics of the young boys, running and whooping, shaking his head at the idea he had ever been that young.

‘I feel old,’ Thomas commented to Andy, who chuckled.

‘You aren’t that old Mr Barrow,’ Andy protested. Thomas stopped and glared at him.

‘That old! I feel so much better, really.’ Thomas stated dryly, shaking his head before following the group that had carried on in their search for the best place to stop for their afternoon.

‘I’m sorry Uncle Thomas, I hadn’t realised you were so sensitive about your age,’ Andy retorted cheekily. Thomas’ look of outrage grew.

‘How dare you! I’m not that old!’ He must have said that far too loudly as all eyes were suddenly fixed on him. He blushed causing Andy to only laugh harder, forcing the younger man to hold onto Thomas’ shoulder to stay upright.

It was nice, someone was touching him so casually, without disgust or hesitation, but that didn’t mean he would forgive being called old. He wasn’t sensitive, really. He just wasn’t old.

‘You’re distinguished?’ Daisy suggested.

‘That’s still saying I’m old!’ Thomas protested. ‘You aren’t helping.’ Daisy just grinned and pushed in between the two men looping her arms in between theirs.

‘Young people today, there is just no respect,’ Mrs Patmore called over.

‘Thank you, see someone agrees-‘Thomas paused. ‘Hey! I’m still a young person.’ There wasn’t really much he could say about that, he walked straight into that one.

‘Come on old man, lets sit and have a break.’ Mrs Hughes stopped abruptly, deciding this would be a good place for them to stop and began to lay down her blanket. Miss Baxter joined in an put out the other blanket.

‘Maybe we could have a little less of calling Mr Barrow old,’ Miss Baxter said mildly as they started to put down the baskets.

‘Thank you Miss Baxter, it is very nice of you to stand up for me.’ Thomas gave a mock glare to everyone else.

‘I was just going to add it makes me feel old, I was there after all when you were born and babysat you until I went into service,’ She added.

‘Thank you, and that will be enough of that. Here ends pick on Thomas day,’ He declared knowing full well how many stories Miss Baxter probably had about him he would really rather didn’t get out.

‘You know Thomas when he was a child?’ Daisy asked curiously as the group began sitting on the laid out blankets and sharing out the food.

‘Miss Baxter was friends with my sister,’ Thomas supplied the information, not wanting Phyllis to feel as though she was in the middle of something she shouldn’t say.

‘He was such a sweet little baby.’ Miss Baxter added, a small smile on her lips, a sandwich paused halfway to her mouth.

‘Of course I was.’ Thomas retorted as though it should have been obvious causing general laughter from the group. He and Miss Baxter shared a smile between them at the memories they shared, ones that up until recently he had always viewed with bitterness and anger to try and disguise the devastation and betrayal when she had left. He had known she had needed to go, but to lose her and his sister at the same time, leaving him alone with his father and a string of potential step mothers, anger had been far easier.

‘Then you turned into a little terror and then a much bigger terror.’ She added to which Thomas gave his most angelic smile.

‘No idea what you mean Miss Baxter, I only chased off four potential step mothers.’ Maybe sharing a little about himself wouldn’t be so hard after all, he didn’t have to tell them everything, and certainly not all at once, but he was a new man. He wanted to share more of himself.

‘Five more like,’ Miss Baxter snorted. ‘I think one of them decided to never have children and joined a convent.’

‘I did the world a favour then, she made Nanny West seem like a saint.’ Thomas pointed out, ‘and really, what kind of person can’t stand up to an 8-year-old child?’

‘One with a phobia of frogs apparently,’ Phyllis shot back, shaking her head at the fond look Thomas had on his face.

‘Please don’t teach little Phillip all you know Mr Barrow. I would hate to have to limit his time with you.’ Anna pointed at him, though from the smile on her face Thomas could tell she wasn’t entirely serious.

‘Don’t worry, I am a fully reformed character. I haven’t succeeded scaring anyone off in years,’ he gave a tragic look.

‘I for one am glad about that,’ Mr Bates replied dryly, and Thomas winced slightly at that.

The conversation drifted on from that, flitting from Daisy and Andy talking about the farm, Anna talking about Phillips newest skills and Mrs Hughes talking about the improvements to the house Mr Carson had been making. It seemed he was enjoying retirement far more than he had ever imagined. Thomas just hoped Mrs Hughes wouldn’t be going anytime soon, but as they had learned, things were changing and couldn’t stay the same forever.

The sun was glorious and as the remains of the picnic was packed up, jackets and hats were stripped off creating a pile of clothing. The younger hall boys began a very energetic game running through the field kicking a ball around. Andy and Peter, seeing how much fun the others were having decided to join in, rolling up shirt sleeves and undoing some buttons on their waistcoats. Thomas just smiled and leaned back, dozing slightly in the sun and enjoying listening to the light chatter around him and the shouts and groans from the far too energetic young men.

‘Thomas, why did you try and scare off your step mothers, weren’t they nice?’ Daisy broke through his lethargic feeling with a question he suspected she had been pondering over for the last hour or so. He stayed silent long enough he was sure Daisy thought he was either ignoring her or had actually fallen asleep. He supposed he had been expecting someone to ask the question, and really, he had opened up that line of questioning.

‘My father decided to remarry less than a year after my Mum died. She didn’t want to be a step mother, she just wanted a man who would buy her things. Lizzy was old enough she could be ignored, but I was a six-year-old boy who had lost his mother and was hurting. I was harder to avoid, so I made sure she didn’t stay. Father was livid but couldn’t prove it was me, not that it stopped him,’ Thomas paused, some things shouldn’t be shared, though none of them were daft, they would be able to read between the lines of whatever he said. ‘He wasn’t happy, but he tried again, and I stopped that one. I was twelve, and Lizzy and Phyllis had both gone into service and moved away when he met the last woman. I liked her so I didn’t do my usual tricks. She didn’t talk about sending me to India or my grandparents. They got married and two weeks later I was on the streets. Last I saw of him he was burning all my things and her two, very large sons chased me out of town.’

‘That’s awful,’ Daisy sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Thomas opened his eyes, squinting slightly at the sun, but focused his eyes on Daisy who was sat next to him and, sitting up, placed a gentle hand on her arm. She instantly moved closer, tucking herself into his side, taking his arm into hers. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘I’m fine, I got by. I learnt how to survive and got into a household as a hallboy a little bit after.  I couldn’t find an apprenticeship elsewhere to be a clockmaker since my father would have been able to find me and they weren’t fussy about my age. I guess I never really stopped surviving.’ It was an understatement, he had stopped trusting anyone and would fight to the bitter end to make sure he stayed where he wanted. It was a lesson he was trying hard to leave behind.

‘Thank you Mr Barrow for sharing that. It does explain a few things,’ Mr Bates commented mildly. ‘I hope after this many years you realise I do not plan to get rid of you.’ Thomas gave him a brief nod before turning away, he really didn’t want to meet Mr Bates eyes.

‘It does indeed explain a few things. Does this mean you aren’t the age you told me when I interviewed you?’ Mrs Hughes asked mildly raising an eyebrow. 12 was a very young age to go into service, but it wasn’t unheard of.

‘It was only a year or two, I think?’ He had pretended to be older for so long he never really thought about his real age anymore. He was starting to regret it now though, it was strange when you were young how much you wished to be older. Now, he was doing all he could to be younger.

‘Whatever you say Thomas,’ Mr Bates shook his head at the other man. Little Phillip decided then was a good opportunity to interrupt the conversation by starting to cry and his parents immediately turned to him to find out what he wanted.

‘You don’t have to survive anymore.’ Daisy murmured into his ear and Thomas smiled.

‘I know. I think I’m finally at peace, with myself and the world.’ Thomas replied seriously. He had taken Annas words to heart, and while he missed the mental challenges of scheming and plotting, friends were more satisfying.

Even the idea of romance was starting to lose its shine. He had thought now he was settled he would try again. He wasn’t fighting the feelings of despair, he wasn’t at war with everyone he knew and most importantly he wasn’t looking at people who were so self-absorbed there was nothing left for him. Jimmy had been a bad choice, but he couldn’t help who his heart chose. Maybe it was the similarities he saw between them, maybe it was that Jimmy had been a friend first and then he had fallen for him or maybe he was just getting older and better at knowing what was best for him. Any way he looked at it, he wanted something different now, someone who would support him, take care of him, share his life with and someone he could care for and give his heart to and know it was safe from harm.

He had thought Jack could be that person. He had taken things slowly, getting to know the man rather than jumping into bed with him for a short fling, he had worked at having a relationship with the man. Jack had seemed charming, friendly and funny. He had made Thomas laugh until his sides hurt, he had been sweet and…Thomas’ thoughts trailed off. There had been signs, his possessiveness, his temper when he had been drinking or simply didn’t get his own way, the bruises on Thomas he had explained away as an accident. Thomas had ignored the signs or maybe was just oblivious to his faults seeing what he wanted to see.

Look how that had turned out.

Beaten black and blue for trying to leave after they had- okay really not going there. Maybe he had thought something like that would happen, maybe that was why he had held some parts of himself back, like where he worked and lived?

Jack would be tomorrows worry, today though, he was going to enjoy the sun and relaxation. Days like this didn’t come often and he wasn’t going to waste a moment on that violent man.

Moving out of Daisy’s loose embrace, Thomas rolled up his sleeves and lay back down again on the blanket and closed his eyes, returning to the enjoyment of the warmth of the summer day.

‘Thomas.’ Mrs Hughes sharp rebuke had him bolting upright again especially as she rarely used his name. Looking around, everyone seemed to be okay, the lads were still playing their game of football, Mrs and Mrs Bates were cooing over their little boy and then he saw Mrs Patmore and Daisy. Their eyes were wide open and Daisy’s lips trembled while Mrs Patmore had an expression of a mother who worried about her child. Daisy took a deep breath and her face settled into the responsible young woman she had blossomed into over the years.

‘We do love you Mr Barrow, you aren’t alone.’ Daisy told him seriously and her hand on his wrist made him realise what they were looking at. The scars were still a vivid red compared to his skin and impossible to hide. Mr Bates hadn’t drawn attention to them when he had interrupted his bath but he had always suspected Anna had told him.

‘She right, we may have an interesting past, but your one of us. We don’t give up on family.’ Mrs Patmore added with a firm nod. Thomas gave them a quick half smile, embarrassed and unsure what to do. He hadn’t been braced for that truth to come out, and if he hadn’t been so relaxed, he wouldn’t have been caught unawares.

‘Thank you Mrs Patmore, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.’ Thomas eventually managed to get out, choking slightly on the words.

‘I’m not sure she knows many compliments, I don’t think I knew she had any,’ Daisy lightened the mood.

‘Oh hush you,’ Mrs Patmore gently scolded her and Daisy laughed. Mrs Hughes and Miss Baxter seemed to relax at the banter around them and Thomas felt the tension ebbing away again. What an emotionally draining day.

‘I think you’re right,’ Thomas agreed and began pulling down his sleeves. Daisy stopped him mid gesture.

‘We don’t mind. Just relax.’ She added and once again Thomas was reminded about how much she had changed from the naive child she had been all those years ago.

Once again the conversation moved away from him, and much to Thomas’ horror, the conversation moved to ladies fashion.

‘Mr Barrow, can you teach us a bit of cricket?’ Andy’s voice called over. Looking over, he saw the football had been put to one side and the men were looking at him with enthusiasm. He didn’t even think about it, leaping to his feet and escaping the conversation about petticoats and garments he really didn’t want to think about. From somewhere, Andy threw over a cricket ball towards Thomas, or he thought that was where it was supposed to go as it went far wider than planned.

Thomas raised his eyebrows. ‘I can see why you asked,’ he commented dryly, diverting to pick the ball up, the smile on his face refusing to go at the pleasure of being asked to join in with the others.

This was turning out to be a great day.

The rain that followed a few days later still didn’t dampen Thomas’ spirits and it seemed the day out had really lifted the atmosphere downstairs. Thomas could have sworn he even heard whistling from someone, though it had vanished soon after he had made an appearance trying to find out who it was. He suspected one of the hallboys, though from the guilty expressions they both wore he did wonder if they were causing other mischief he hadn’t caught them at yet.

He was in the middle of completing the ledgers and wondering if he had enough time to see the children before they had their dinner when the back door bell rang. Andy was in the kitchen last time Thomas had seen him so he didn’t leave his desk to answer it himself.

It seemed though this didn’t stop someone disturbing him as the swift rap on his door came minutes later. The door was opened and Andy poked his head inside.

‘Mr Barrow, there is a Mr Smith at the back door to see you. He said he was friend of yours?’ Thomas could feel his heart race and the blood drained from his face. He’d found him though Thomas had no idea how.

‘Thank you Andy, you can go back to what you were doing,’ Thomas paused then thought about what he had said. ‘Just don’t distract Daisy too much, I do not want Dinner to be late tonight.’ It worked as Andy was distracted enough not to ask any questions as he blushed and stumbled and stammered his words before leaving.

Young love. It was such fun to watch. And tease.

Feeling like a condemned man going to the gallows, Thomas pulled on his jacket that had been hanging on the back of his chair and made his way to the back door. The door was shut, as he expected and the visitor would be out in the courtyard waiting.

Taking a deep breath and putting on his strongest servant’s blank, he opened the door to a handsome man in his 30s with closely clipped back brown hair and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing a brown suit which while it was clean and tidy, Thomas knew wasn’t his normal look. He was a farm labourer nearby and Thomas had hoped the man would have moved on by now as he had talked about when they were chatting at the pub a few weeks before.

‘You are a hard man to track down.’ Jack smile was charming and broad, though Thomas could see the coldness in his face Thomas had either ignored or not spotted as they were getting to know each other.

‘There was a reason for that,’ Thomas stepped into the courtyard and closed the door behind him. He was not going to have anyone overhear this conversation. Crossing his arms he leaned against the wall determined to not show any weakness. ‘You can leave now, I have no desire to see you again.’

‘That isn’t going to work for me Tommy,’ Thomas gritted his teeth, he hated that name. He was Thomas, only his step brothers and step mother ever called him Tommy.

‘It’s all you’re going to get from me.’

‘I don’t think so. We were good together, you just needed to learn your place with all your hoity toity ways.’ Jack looked him over like a pig at faire on display and the disgust Thomas felt only multiplied leaving him to wonder if he really was that bad at reading people.

‘You had no right, none whatsoever to beat me like that,’ the anger spilled out with a vehemence he didn’t expect. It seemed to surprise the other man as well as it took him a moment to react, then anger flooded his face, wiping away all traces of the pleasant handsome man Thomas thought he knew.

Jack grabbed Thomas’ wrist, squeezing it so hard Thomas was worried he was going to break it.

‘Don’t you ever speak to me like that again. You are coming with me and you will learn your place,’ Jack hissed, pulling at Thomas as though they were going away from the house. The man must be insane. People would miss Thomas and surely Jack was needed at his work? What on earth was happening? ‘Mr Barrow, how fortunate I have caught you.’ Mr Bates. How on earth did that man always know when Thomas was at his lowest point? Saving him from ruin, disaster and now this trouble. Did he have some kind of sense at how to see Thomas at his worst moments in his life? Maybe it was payback for how he had treated the man over the years? ‘Would you like to introduce me to your friend? Andy mentioned he was here to see you.’ Okay, that explained a lot, Andy had told him.

‘This is none of your business cripple,’ Jack dismissed Mr Bates as a nuisance and kept his focus on Thomas.

 ‘Oh I think this is all of our business as you are hurting our Butler,’ Mrs Hughes voice answered, Twisting slightly in surprise, Thomas winced at the extra pressure it put on his wrist and arm, but was shocked to see Andy, Miss Baxter, Daisy, Mrs Patmore and Anna by the door, stepping out into the courtyard and they did not look happy. What on earth was going on? Why were they all out here?

‘I think you should let him go.’ My goodness, Thomas had never heard Daisy looking so fierce, and from the rolling pin in her hand, Thomas certainly wouldn’t want to mess with her.

‘Or what? You here for this foul lavender degenerate?’ Jack seemed amazed. Thomas gave Jack an incredulous look. This man was as lavender as he was!

‘No, we are here for our friend. Our kind, generous, lavender friend and you will not harm him again.’ Miss Baxter had a backbone on her after all.

‘And I’m sure her Ladyship would be very easily persuaded to make sure no one nearby will hire you again, especially as Mr Barrow is her sons favourite Butler.’ Anna added with a serious look on her face that seemed out of place of her usual cheery smile.

Jack didn’t release the pressure for a few moments then let his wrist go. Thomas pulled his arm back and began rubbing his wrist. A second later, a fist hit his face and he fell to his knees, and though his ears were ringing he heard an oomph and clatter before footsteps heading away from him.

‘Daisy!’ Mrs Patmore’s shocked voice made Thomas look over to see Miss Baxter and Mrs Hughes holding Daisy back from giving chase. ‘You might have damaged the rolling pin!’ Thomas could now spot the rolling pin on the ground of the courtyard and a very unrepentant Daisy looked quite smug. She was the one who hit the man! Thomas’ respect for her leaped.

Never again would he be stealing from the kitchen.

‘Daisy, he isn’t worth it, but thank you. Thank you all, I don’t think I could ever repay any of you for this.’ Thomas could barely look at any of them. He was certainly grateful to them coming to help, and a few years back he would have lashed out in his embarrassment at being seen at his weakest. He had to swallow that immediate reaction, and instead kept his head down until that gut reaction faded.

‘Come on, let’s get you inside and compress for your face and wrist.’ Mrs Patmore bustled him inside after Andy helped him to his feet. They slowly made their way in, Daisy laughing with Miss Baxter, obviously recounting her miraculous throw as she mimed it with her retrieved rolling pin.

‘Why do people keep punching me? Is it something about my face?’ Thomas mumbled to himself as he placed the cold compress Mrs Patmore handed to him on his cheek and wrapped the other on his sore wrist.

‘Yes, but I have learnt to resist the temptation,’ Mr Bates dry humour lightened his spirits.

‘Mr Bates! Really,’ Anna scolded her husband but from the smile on her face, she was fooling no one.  ‘Just be more careful next time Mr Barrow.’ Annas tone was caring and supportive, but the thought of a next time filled Thomas with dread.

‘There will never be a next time, that I am certain of.’ Thomas told her, determined he would never again need to be rescued. ‘I have learnt my lesson, and learnt it well. I am not so slow to want to put myself through this again, and I never want put you in this position again. I truly am sorry this ever happened and I am thankful none of you were hurt.’

‘We were happy to help Mr Barrow. It wasn’t your fault.’ Andy to his surprise was the first to offer support, and from the nods of the others it was a sentiment they seemed to share to Thomas’ shock.

‘It was, I trusted the wrong person and people could have got hurt.’

‘You did get hurt,’ Miss Baxter corrected him but Thomas waved her off. He was more concerned about his friends, he’d survive beatings, he always had.

‘Is everything alright down here?’ Lady Marys voice cut into the servants area and immediately everyone was on their feet. Thomas discreetly placed the cold wash cloth on the table and hoped the bruise hadn’t started to show. ‘I’ve just seen a man running from the entrance here holding his face as though he were in pain. Barrow?’ She continued as though this was an everyday occurrence.

‘Just a spot of bother Milady. It’s all sorted now, and it won’t happen again I can assure you,’ Thomas answered here, back ramrod straight and the picture of a perfect Butler on display. A look of understanding crossed Lady Marys face, Thomas always forgot just how astute she was and while he knew a lot of her knowledge came from Anna, she was very perceptive on her own.

‘Are you alright Barrow?’ Thomas was touched by how she still looked concerned and he had a feeling the bruise must be starting to show. He was going to need to borrow Miss Baxter’s make up to see if he couldn’t cover it up when he went up from dinner.

‘I will be Milady’ Thomas answered more honestly than he normally would, but at her smile they came to a private understanding.

‘Very well, now I believe George and Sybbie are waiting for their afternoon story and secret treat from their Barrow.’

‘Yes Milady,’ Thomas tried not to look chagrined, caught again at handing out treats he wasn’t supposed to.

‘I’m glad you are alright Barrow, and I will see you at dinner then.’ Lady Mary finished before sweeping out of the room. The room relaxed slightly and Thomas was relieved she hadn’t been angry at the disruption or suggest he needed to find a new place.

‘On that note, we had better get back to work, I know everyone has things to do.’ Thomas commanded and everyone started to drift off in their separate directions, most of them touching Thomas in a reassuring way before they left, a hand on his shoulder or arm or a quick nod.

‘Time to go face the wrath of children,’ Thomas muttered to the empty room knowing he was about to be told off for being late.

He couldn’t wait.

 

‘Corporal Barrow? Is that you?’ A voice from behind made Thomas turn around in surprise.

‘That was a long time ago, Mr Barrow now. Can I help you?’ Thomas asked the tall, broad man in front of him. He looked to be a little younger than himself with brown hair that was swept over to one side but without the pomerade Thomas used when working. His nose looked to have been broken more than once and a mass of scars covering an eye that no longer saw, partially covered his forehead down to his cheekbone on one side. He was handsome though with he lines around his eyes and the easy grin on his face spoke a man with a good sense of humour and loved to laugh a lot. He was dressed smartly, a tradesman from the way he dressed Thomas immediately guessed, though he didn’t remember seeing him around the town to be able to identify him any further.

‘You don’t recognise me? I suppose I have changed a bit since I last saw you, though you sure haven’t, recognised you immediately. What a small world this is.’ The man didn’t seem offended Thomas hadn’t recognised him, and in fact seemed amused. They were stood in the town square, Thomas had just finished his shopping and was waiting for Daisy and Miss Baxter to finish their errand before walking back together to the Abbey when the man had done a double take in front of him and then started speaking to him.

‘Is everything okay here, Mr Barrow?’ Mr Bates voice came from behind. Really, what was with that man? He should have been at the Abbey, and somehow his guardian angel was behind him once again.

‘I’m fine Mr Bates, though I could ask you the same question.’

‘His Lordship sent me to post an urgent letter. He realised he had missed you and sent me into town.’ Mr Bates explained.

‘You work up at the Abbey? Wow, I thought you might have been in service, but I thought you would have gone into a hospital after the war, you were certainly good at caring for people. A very interesting bed side manner.’ The man commented, clearly not taking the hint he should leave.

‘There was nothing wrong with my bedside manner. I must be going,’ Thomas decided the conversation was over, whoever this impertinent man was, insulting him like that.

‘I’m sorry, I forgot how sensitive you were.’ That did not help Thomas’ disposition towards the man, and from the man’s wince, he hadn’t hidden it. ‘I’m really stuffing this up. I guess I just wanted to say thank you. You saved my life, you saved my sanity and while you made my life hell over there, I really wanted to thank you for everything. You were my hero.’ That stopped Thomas, and from Mr Bates face he wasn’t the only one surprised by the admission.

‘You weren’t one of my medics,’ Thomas looked more closely at the man, stating a fact. He didn’t know any medics he had served with that had survived, and if he hadn’t held up that lighter, he knew he wouldn’t be here either.

‘I was Private Smith when we first met, Luke Smith.’ The name didn’t ring a bell. ‘You still don’t know my name?’ The tone was exasperated but not angry, if anything it sounded like he was trying not to laugh.

‘Princess?’ Thomas didn’t know why he said the name but from the look of mixed pain and exasperation it was the right name. ‘You were a weed!’

‘Turns out I hadn’t finished growing ‘til after the war.’ Princess shrugged. ‘Thank you very much for that nickname though. It stuck. I’m pretty sure if I had ever made General I would still have been called General Princess.’ Thomas couldn’t help but smile at that and he could see Mr Bates trying to cover his amusement.

‘I do remember you, I’m glad you recovered alright.’ Thomas was sincere in that. He remembered the scared but tough young man who thought he had to prove everything to the world, who covered every insecurity with bravado and an inability to pass any reflective surface without looking at himself.

He had reminded Thomas of himself so much it was scary. They hadn’t met often, but their last meeting in a fox hole in the middle of No Mans Land had made the man unforgettable. Unforgettable if you discounted the fact he hadn’t recognised the man 10 years later. Holding out a hand, the two men shook hands in mutual respect.

‘Are you living near here?’ Thomas asked after a few moments silence, he was very aware of Mr Bates listening to the conversation. He had never talked about the War, and he never planned to. He knew he was a coward, and he had no intention of letting anyone else know that. He was not the hero Princess was making him out to be.

‘I own a clock shop in town, over there. I’ve a tenant house on the estate so not too far away.’ That interested Thomas, he had seen the new clock shop open, but with the skills he had learnt as a child by his father, he never needed to visit.

‘Mr Barrow?’ Daisy interrupted the conversation, and turning Thomas saw both she and Miss Baxter had finished their shopping and were headed towards him and Mr Bates.

‘Daisy, Miss Baxter,’ Mr Bates greeted them. ‘I will see you tonight,’ he said to Thomas and slowly made his way into town. Thomas wasn’t sure if Mr Bates being there had been deliberately to make sure he wasn’t on his own while there was another man there or if it was just coincidence, but Thomas wasn’t looking forward to the conversation they were going to need to have later. He may have been beaten, he may have trusted the wrong person, he may have tried to end his life, he may have been scared to come into town on his own for a while, but that was no reason why he had to be constantly watched.

Really.

He was a good Butler, he knew that. Even Mr Carson agreed Thomas was an excellent Butler, he just needed to work a little more on himself. He knew he had come a long way. He knew where to turn to if he ever started feeling as low as he had, he knew he had a family he could trust, and he had completely sworn off dating anyone ever again. He was nearly there with his self-improvement. He just needed to show everyone else he didn’t need to be watched as much and it would be good.

‘Daisy, Miss Baxter please let me introduce you to an old friend from France, Mr Smith. Princess, this is Miss Baxter and Mrs Mason from the Abbey.’ Polite nods and greetings were exchanged between them.

‘Princess?’ Daisy looked between the two men.

‘Mr Barrow gave me that nickname the first time we met. The name unfortunately stuck.’ Princess grinned, not at all embarrassed, though maybe after 10 years it had faded.

‘I thought it was your name,’ Thomas protested truthfully.

‘How does Smith sound like Princess?’ Luke looked sceptical and from the amused looks Daisy and Phyllis exchanged between themselves Thomas knew he would be the one to be mocked in the end.

Mr Carson never had this problem.

‘I think a shell had gone off nearby and my hearing wasn’t quite right.’ Luke just laughed.

‘I think I’m more concerned with where your mind went to, to think my name could possibly be Princess.’ Thomas couldn’t help but smile at the mans easy going nature. Daisy and Miss Baxter also seemed charmed by the man, which Thomas found reassuring. He wasn’t going to be fooled by another person, especially not anyone charming or good looking.

Not that he was attracted by Luke Smith. He wasn’t going to be looking for romance anymore. He really wasn’t.

‘I think we had better be returning before we are missed,’ Thomas made the decision as he heard the clock strike.

‘I won’t keep you any longer, but it would be nice to catch up at some point,’ Luke offered.

‘I would like that,’ Thomas agreed, surprised at himself for even agreeing but there wasn’t really a reason to say no.

‘I’ll be in touch then. Good day.’ Thomas watched for a moment as the man walked away before catching himself.

‘So are soft on him?’ Daisy asked as they walked along the deserted road and Thomas choked on the air, trying not to trip over his own feet.

‘Daisy!’ He looked at her horrified while she just rolled her eyes.

‘He seems nice, he likes you and you seem to like him. What’s the problem?’ Daisy protested.

‘You can’t say things like that, what if someone heard? And it’s illegal and I’m not going to date anyone anymore.’

‘You didn’t say you didn’t like him though.’ Daisy pointed out and Thomas cursed himself for not saying that first.

‘You won’t be alone forever, and we can’t help who we fall in love with.’ Miss Baxter’s comment didn’t help. He had felt sure she would have supported what he was saying.

‘Thank you Miss Baxter, but no. We were comrades years ago and haven’t seen each other since I transported him to a field hospital. We’ll probably meet once, reminisce a bit and that will be that, maybe nod at each other in the village. He’s probably got a wife and a dozen children and that will be that.’ Thomas declared firmly, aiming to shut down the conversation.

‘You still didn’t say you weren’t interested,’ Daisy pointed out cheekily.

‘She has a point,’ Miss Baxter agreed.

‘Why am I still talking to you?’ He tried to sound nasty but ended up just sounding pleading.

‘Because you love us, and this is what sisters do?’ Phyllis and Daisy lined arms with him, carefully avoiding the shopping he held and strode with him back to the Abbey. Thomas said nothing but gave a sigh as though it was the end of the world.

‘Don’t worry Mr Barrow, we won’t tell anyone how much you care for us,’ Daisy said as though it was a secret no one else knew.

‘Get on with you, both of you,’ Thomas mock scolded the two women as they entered the house and began removing their coats and hats. From the smiles they exchanged with each other, the deferential nod they gave him he knew was mere formality.

What a morning.

It was far sooner than he had imagined that he actually saw Princess again. Lord Grantham had decided to hold another tenants luncheon as there had been a number of new tenants recently and had wanted to meet them in the house.

For Thomas, he was for once looking forward to it. This was his first big event he was going to be organising and he couldn’t wait to prove himself. Mr Carson had been on hand, though he had wanted Thomas to do most of the work on his own, just casting an eye over what Thomas had organised. Mr Carson had been of the mind that Thomas needed the experience of organising events on his own while he would oversee and offer advice if it was needed. It had been an awkward situation as he didn’t want Mr Carson to feel he was unneeded, but it seemed this test of their situation had worked out and they had worked seamlessly with each other. It looked as though Lord Grantham’s idea was going to work after all.

He was serving the drinks at the table when he saw Mr Smith again. The man seemed to be having a productive time, flitting from group to group of people with an ease Thomas felt envious of. He knew he was no adept social butterfly in his own time and he envied people who had such ease with others. Thomas knew his own strengths and his many weaknesses. He was a very good Butler, and he could put people at ease when they arrived at the House or he could easily give them a flea in their ear and send them on their way. He knew how to maintain discipline downstairs and the way to behave with the family. The children he knew he had a way with, their loyalty and eagerness to spend time with him was more than evident to him they had a special bond.

Thomas just didn’t make friends easily, even as a child. People had loved him for his cricket skills, had been impressed with his clock making skills and his intelligence and love of books. Close friendships though had been elusive until he reached a point that he made sure he hurt others before they would ever hurt him. He could control the situation, wouldn’t allow himself to get too close so when people inevitably left him or betrayed him it wouldn’t hurt as much as if he had let them in. That had always been the theory and yet the hurt never really stopped. Mr Smith seemed to have none of these reservations, he seemed easy going, charming and friendly, and people loved him for it.

Not that Thomas was watching him.

Not at all.

He just caught his eye every so often.

Fully convinced, Thomas forced his attention back to serving the newest tenants to visit his table and making sure Andy and Peters trays were fully supplied as they did their rounds through the crowds. All was running very smoothly and it took all of Thomas’ effort not to let the pride show on his face.

‘Mr Barrow, how nice to see you again.’ Thomas nearly started at being addressed but managed to catch himself in time.

‘Mr Smith. A glass?’ Thomas’ hand immediately went to the nearest glass at Mr Smith’s nod.

‘You are the Butler here?’ It seemed Thomas was going to be the next person to be socialised with but as Butler, this was not going to be possible.

‘I am.’ Thomas answered, not able to tell him he was unable to talk but hoping he would take the short answers as a sign this was not the place to stand a chat.

‘Very impressive Mr Barrow.’ Princess took the hint and gave a friendly nod before re-joining the crowd.

‘Did you see him again?’ Daisy pounced on Thomas the moment he brought down the last tray from the hall.

‘See who?’ He asked Daisy distractedly, ‘Andy can you check to make sure there is nothing left upstairs.’ Andy gave a quick nod and did as he had been asked.

‘Mr Smith, the man we met in town,’ Daisy rolled her eyes, though she didn’t stop working at the same time, the two of them unloading the trays near to the sink ready to be washed.

‘I saw him briefly, he was at the gathering.’ Thomas replied mildly though from Daisy’s sigh, this wasn’t what she was after. She was far too invested in his business, and he knew where her thoughts were headed which were very improper.

‘We just want you happy, and if new friends make you happy we just don’t want you to miss an opportunity,’ Miss Baxter placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as she spoke.

‘Exactly,’ Daisy agreed.

‘I am a grown man, I am able to make friends if I choose and I do not need any outside interference helping me to make friends.’ Thomas gave both of them a look in warning. The two women shared a look Thomas couldn’t read and he beat a hasty retreat.

He really didn’t understand women.

 As Thomas had once told Mr Carson, it was very difficult to read the signs, and he most certainly wasn’t going to speak out. The past had a way of making him cautious, he had been wrong before and it really was a miracle he wasn’t in prison. If he had been anywhere else, he would most likely be doing hard labour and most certainly never would have become Butler. He owed everything to his Lordship and he was going repay the man in every way possible, and that meant not bringing shame or scandal to the family. He would have come close with Jack and he wasn’t willing to risk himself or the family again.

Princess seemed to be less cautious though, and Thomas was certain he was reading the signs correctly. Then again, he had been certain with Jimmy as well so maybe a little less certainty would be better. To the outside eye, friendship would have been the only thing seen, there was nothing improper about their relationship Thomas knew, but there was always this undercurrent between them he was sure they both felt.

The first meeting after the luncheon went far better than Thomas expected. The two men had not really been friends during the war, though the nine hours they had spent together in the foxhole had certainly created a bond that wasn’t easily explained even if they hadn’t seen each other again in over a decade. The conversation had flowed between them, each talking about the intervening years, a sanitised version from Thomas and he had no doubt the other man wasn’t telling him everything either. When they had finally left the pub, Thomas hadn’t wanted to leave, a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time but he found himself enjoying it.

Thomas’ schedule meant they didn’t meet as often as he would have liked, but he managed to time his half days for a Wednesday when the shop was closed for a half day. It was Princess who first made the suggestion Thomas come for dinner rather than developing an alcohol problem at the local pub and where Thomas first realised he had an even bigger problem.

Princess’ neighbour.

Thomas slipped out of the house straight after lunch to enjoy his afternoon off. It had been a while since he had been able to spend the afternoon reading but Princess had suggested Thomas come over, spend the afternoon relaxing and reading together before dinner.

It was something Thomas had never done. Thomas couldn’t remember the last time he had been a visitor to someone else’s house, nor ever been invited to spend time with someone without the expectation of talking together. He couldn’t wait.

He’d grabbed the newest novel the had just purchased a few days before as well as some scones Mrs Patmore had finished baking that morning, and he had managed to sneak a few away without her noticing and a bottle of wine he had purchased that he hoped Princess would enjoy.

Following the instructions he had been given, it wasn’t until he was most of the way there he realised he would be passing the Bates house, somewhere he hadn’t been since that awful morning. This was a very different situation and would have a far different result than last time. It was when he reached the door to Princess’ house he wondered if Mr Carson hadn’t overestimated his intelligence as he realised next door lived the Bates’.

‘Thomas! Please do come in,’ Princess greeted him enthusiastically, catching Thomas unawares as he had been lost in dazed amusement at where he had ended up and hadn’t knocked on the door yet. Obviously he had been expected.

‘Princess,’ Thomas greeted him in his usual reserved manner. ‘Thank you for inviting me.’

Stepping inside, Thomas saw the house had been furnished simply but had a homely feel to it. The walls were a fresh white that looked newly painted and a set of blue curtains that complimented the sofa and chair in the living room. The kitchen was neat and tidy with a small table and chairs in the corner but had nothing on Mrs Patmore’s kitchen, though not many could ever be as good. He was impressed though at the refrigerator in one corner, it spoke of a man who embraced modern things.

‘Please, make yourself comfortable,’ Princess gestured to the sofa and Thomas took a seat before handing over the food and drink he’d brought.  ‘Wow, were these made the by the infamous Mrs Patmore?’ He looked delighted by the scones and Thomas had to smile.

‘Just wait ‘til you try it, no other scone will ever compare.’ Thomas warned him.

‘Then I truly can’t wait. Please do pass on my thanks to her.’ At Thomas’ guilty look Luke gave a mock tut. ‘Stealing from the kitchen Mr Barrow, honestly. You’re the Butler, can’t you just ask her?’

‘Only if I want my ear chewed off.’ Thomas answered ruefully. His and Mrs Patmore’s relationship had been far better than it had in the past, but he wasn’t going to risk his life by asking her for her famous scones to take to a friend’s house. He was pretty sure the lecture he would have received would mean he would have been very late.

‘You truly do work with the most interesting people.’ The comment seemed to come out of the blue but Thomas flowed with it.

‘They are. Took me a while to see that, but they really are a good set of people.’ He agreed, leaning back in his chair and not at all embarrassed to admit his feelings towards his found family. A sudden thought occurred to him though and added ‘You haven’t met everyone though, only Mr Bates, Daisy and Miss Baxter.’ Princesses smile worried him.

‘I have quite a number of visitors to my shop this week from the Abbey, all with broken clocks and all managed to talk about their Butler.’ Thomas was horrified.

‘They didn’t?’ He sat upright, dreading what they had said.

‘Oh yes, so far Miss Baxter and Mrs Mason have both come in separately to speak to me, Mrs Bates, Mr Bates, Mrs Hughes, a younger fellow, Mr Parker and her ladyship, Lady Mary and her son Master George. I’m assuming that is everyone? Strange how many watches and clocks went wrong in the last week?’ He wasn’t even going to ask how Lady Mary had found out about Princess, but considering how gossip flowed, he would have to take Anna to task later.

‘Yes, isn’t it just.’ Thomas agreed through gritted teeth.

‘Master George spent quite a while explaining how you were the best horsie there is and that you know everything there is about clocks.’

‘Master George is a lovely boy,’ Thomas couldn’t help but boast. He loved all of the children dearly, and he would have to admit, it was no secret in the house having been caught multiple times by most of the upstairs in very undignified situations. Fortunately the most he had heard was for George and the girls to not wear him out.

‘I could easily see how much he loves his Mister Bawwow, and her Ladyship was most inquisitive as to how we met, my nickname and my intentions towards you. Very similar to my other visitors I must confess. I believe Mrs Mason even mentioned a rolling pin she was very adept with and Mr Bates was rather descriptive with my future should your feelings be hurt. It was Miss Baxter though who scared me the most. She came across as the nicest lady you will ever meet,’ Princess shook his head the memory.

‘She is, she really is,’ Thomas agreed faintly in total disbelief at the conversation they were having.

‘I won’t repeat what she said, but I will say it was terrifying.’

‘I’m so sorry about all of that, they’re just a bit over protective and very interfering.’ Thomas apologised, already mentally planning the chastising he was going to need to deliver either tonight or at breakfast tomorrow.

‘They’re your family, they want to make sure you’re okay. I don’t mind.’ Princess reassured him. ‘If we are going to do this, I want to know someone is looking out for you and has your best interests at heart and not just me.’ Thomas heart began to beat so fast he wasn’t sure if he was about to either have a stroke or heart attack. Could he do both at the same time? ‘We are on the same page aren’t we?’

Thomas felt frozen to the spot. He had wondered if they were headed here, no matter how much he had told himself he was imagining it, but to have It brought so forcefully into he air was a shock.

The words Miss Baxter and Mrs Hughes immediately sprung to mind, both telling him his plan to close his heart wouldn’t work forever. He needed to seize the chance as love didn’t come along that often. Thomas trusted them, they had his best interests at heart he knew, but this would be a big leap for him.

Maybe with their support he could do this? Maybe he could open himself up again? They had more than proven they would not let him get in over his head again, and maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t wrong about someone. That someone outside of his family could be trusted with his heart and did not plan to return it bruised and battered, if not skewered on a spike.

‘Thomas? We are, aren’t we,’ Luke looked a little less sure now as he repeated the question. Thomas could feel his head nodding even without his consent, even as he felt himself not really in his body. ‘Thank goodness,’ Luke’s face glowed like the sun, and Thomas felt a small smile growing on his face at the sight of such contagious happiness. He’d never had anyone look at him with such unbridled joy and Thomas could feel it touching him. Was this truly what pure happiness was? He felt untouchable, like every part of him was warmed by the glow from Luke and he was invincible. The fears of the consequences if they were caught were there in the back of his mind, they were never that far away, but for the moment they were locked tightly away.

Nothing was going to spoil this moment.

‘You could do a lot better than me.’ Okay, nothing except Thomas’ inability to keep his mouth shut and not sabotage himself. ‘I’m not as carefree and easy as you.’

‘I think I’ve gotten to know you over the last few months, and I’m not expecting you to change. I love you for you not some clone of myself.’ Luke rose from his chair and crouched in front of Thomas, taking the Butlers hands in his own as he looked into his eyes. It seemed Thomas’ agreement had bolstered the other man’s confidence as he spoke. ‘We’ve both been through a lot, we aren’t children courting the first person who paid us attention. I have a past as I think you do too, but that just makes us who we are, not a reason to shy away from any potential happiness.’

‘Will you tell me about your past?’ Thomas couldn’t help but ask, he hadn’t thought the other man had been untouched by life, but he certainly hadn’t shown it the same way Thomas had.

‘One day,’ Luke promised as he stood, placing a light kiss on Thomas’ forehead.

‘One day,’ Thomas agreed, pulling Luke to sit next to him so they were sat so close there wasn’t a millimetre between them. It was comforting, soaking up the warmth of each other. Indulging in the touch of another was something Thomas wasn’t used to, and even the small touches he received from his family now just didn’t seem enough, and he didn’t want to give it up. ‘So, what happened now?’ Thomas finally broke the comfortable silence.

‘I am going to continue to court you until you know how deeply and truly I love you, then I need to win over your family before convincing you to live with me here all without us getting caught and arrested.’ Princess declared softly but with a resolve that made it all sound so easy.

‘Sounds like you have everything planned out.’ Thomas commented.

‘With you, I could never go half way. I’m an all or nothing person.’

‘Me too. I’m just…’ Thomas tried to think of the right word, ‘cautious.’

‘I know, hence the courtship to show you you’re safe with me. I know this will always be a secret for us to stay out of prison, but I want to be a part of your life, all of your life.’

‘I want you to do that as well. I want to be part of your friends and family as well, I’m just not very good at making friends.’ Thomas was not about to admit how long it had taken him to get along with everyone at the Abbey, no need to scare him off that quickly but he was going to be upfront about himself.

‘Nonsense, you’ll be fine. I will make sure they love you.’

‘I will hurt you, I always hurt people. When I’m scared or angry or anything negative I lash out and will go for any weakness I know about you. I’m not a nice person.’

‘I don’t think anyone is at their best when they feel that way, I am sure I will be just as energetic to be around. Any other excuse you can think of to scare me off?’ Thomas had this distinct feeling he may have met his match in this man.

‘I have my own fears and doubts. I know I’m not as handsome as you,’ Princess waved at the scarring and his one blind eye. ‘I’m just hoping the rest of me is enough for you.’

‘You are handsome, I love the crinkles around your eyes when you smile or laugh, and you have more charm in you than I could ever hope to achieve. I was a footman, looks were everything but you are beautiful inside and out. You are so much more than a few marks on your face.’ Thomas couldn’t believe he had been so honest and verbose. It made him uncomfortable with all he had said even as he saw Luke flush at the compliment he had received. Maybe they did both have more sore spots than he would have ever guessed that they would need to work around and through. Princess had always been vain during the war, just as Thomas had always been, but the man he had connected with had never seemed to mind his injury or acted as though it bothered him. As Miss Baxter had said, people did change as they went through life, he had assumed this was one of those things.

He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

‘Thank you Thomas, that means more to me than you will ever know’ Luke leaned in for a quick hug that Thomas returned, each of them just enjoying each other and the honesty they had shared. After a few minutes, they pulled back breaking the moment. ‘Now, how about we enjoy those lovely scones you brought with you and then I will amaze you with ability to create the most romantic dinner possible.’

‘Sounds like you really have the whole courtship planned out. I am going to need to really step up my wooing to keep up.’ Thomas flirted, he may be rusty at this, but he loved a challenge. He would not let the other man outdo his efforts. Compliments would be the first on his list followed by the most romantic gesture possible. He could do this. This was going to work. He was not putting too much pressure on himself, he was just going to be the most romantic, generous and wonderful person he could be to this man and make him see Thomas was worth his love.

He could do this.

‘I can’t wait Thomas.’ Princess smiled softly.

The afternoon went as well as he had hoped, and Thomas was truly disappointed when it was time for him to leave. The dinner had been excellent much to his surprise, though Princess had attributed to a survival skill after living on his own so long.

It seemed he wasn’t the only one not wanting the night to end as Luke announced he was to walk Thomas home. Thomas had of course put up a protest, saying he was no woman who couldn’t walk home in the dark, only to blush horrendously as Luke eyed him up and down saying he certainly hoped not.

He really needed to work on that blush, he wasn’t an innocent bride on her wedding day. Yet there was something about this man that made him feel nervous and shy, like he wanted to be a better person just to see them beam with pride at him or to show he had a romantic side to see the love he knew would be reflected.

Finally reaching the door to the Abbey, Thomas suddenly felt awkward. He’d never been walked home before, how was this supposed to end?

‘Thomas, I have had a wonderful afternoon with you and I am really looking forward to spending more time with you.’ Thomas gave a quick look around the courtyard, no one else was around and it was completely walled in so no one would be able to sneak up on them. They were safe there, it was completely private. Thomas stepped closer to they were barely inches apart, it was bold for him, but it felt right and from the pleased look on Luke’s face, he wasn’t the only one who thought so.

‘I really enjoyed it too. My next half day is a Tuesday, would I be able to join you in your shop?’ Thomas suggested. He really just wanted to spend as much time as possible with the other man, and there was something about clock shops that always felt like home.

‘I would be honoured if you joined me there. You won’t be bored will you?’

‘Not a chance, maybe I’ll even show you some of my skills in clock making, even if I am more than a little rusty,’ Thomas assured the other man. They seemed to be unconsciously getting closer and closer, Luke’s arms wrapped around his waist pulling Thomas the last few inches into his embrace. Thomas mimicked the pose, enjoying feeling Luke’s body against him. He tilted his head up and their lips met.

It was magic, complete magic.

The sound of a door shutting made them leap apart, frantically looking around to see who had caught them.

He really did have the worst luck.

‘Sorry, you won’t get in trouble for this will you?’ Luke looked concerned and a few moments from offering to whisk Thomas away to safety.

‘Considering the unsubtle hints I have been receiving the last few weeks about you, I think the only trouble I will be in will be the teasing. They will be merciless.’ Thomas answered reasonably sure he wasn’t about to walk into an angry mob.

‘We will!’ Anna’s voice came form behind the closed door and Thomas groaned. Mr Bates was sure to have been with his wife, he just hoped they were the only ones.

‘Shall I come with you for support.’ Luke straightened his shoulder and held his head up, ready for battle. Thomas couldn’t have felt any prouder of the man, he hadn’t even hesitated in his support.

‘No, we’ll save that for another day. I will be fine. You on the other hand may want to escape before your neighbours walk home with you and interrogate you once again.’ Thomas gave the other man a small push towards the gate, the silly smile he knew he wore refusing to leave his face.

‘What makes you think I won’t be interrogating them about you?’ Luke asked cheekily.

‘Definitely go!’ Thomas shooed the man, shaking his head at how much he enjoyed the other man’s company and ability to make him smile. ‘You can come out, it’s safe.’ Thomas called out to the backdoor, barely getting the words out before Anna and Mr Bates were out with him.

‘That was moving rather fast Mr Barrow,’ It seemed as though Anna was going to start the teasing early and he was going to get no help from Mr Bates in preventing it.

‘Thank you Mrs Bates for your tact and discretion. It is very much appreciated.’ Thomas retorted dryly as he walked past them and into the house.

‘You are more than welcome Mr Barrow. We’ll see you tomorrow and can have a nice talk about how to court properly and if you need a chaperone.’

‘Isn’t it time for the two of you to go home, get Phillip to bed and all that, forget everything you’ve seen this evening.’

‘Of course Mr Barrow, until tomorrow.’ Anna agreed and Thomas was beginning to dread the next day. He certainly didn’t want to be persecuted for his sexuality as he always had been, but the encouragement he was receiving and people actually talking about, well, _it_ , was strange. He had never known what it was like for people to actually be happy for him to be in a relationship, as he had once said to Mr Bates.

It seemed he was now finding out what it was like.

Thomas had been right about the teasing. It was never sly or malicious, but everyone had an opinion or comment to make.

Thomas was loving it.

On the other hand, the courting wasn’t going as well as he had hoped. Plans and ideas he’d had never seemed to turn out the way he hoped. Flowers he picked turned out to be the only ones Luke was allergic to, the walk along the river nearby, ended up raining and the dinner he worked so hard on, even asking for tips from Daisy, was slightly burned and slightly raw. He still wasn’t sure how he managed that one.

Luke never seemed to mind though, always taking things in their stride, though Thomas had forbidden him from easting any of the food he had made. The plans Luke made always went so well, they were romantic, fun and of course, secretive.

Why couldn’t Thomas’ ever go that way?

He was failing at this. How could he show Luke how much he loved the man if his gestures never went the way he planned them. He had even taken ideas from Anna and Miss Baxter for romantic gestures, which said how desperate he was.

Lying down on his bed, Thomas buried his face into his pillow as he wondered how things kept going wrong. Tonight had been yet another failure in his long line of failures and was once again his own fault.

He had been late. Dinner had been slightly later than planned and so he hadn’t been able to leave when he had planned to cook dinner for Luke and himself. By the time he had left and arrived at Luke’s house, he realised just how big of a mistake that had been.

He had knocked on the door, but there was no answer. The lights were on he could tell, but the door remained firmly shut.

Luke had given up on him.

Thomas stumbled away from the door before turning and hurrying back to the Abbey. It was over.

He had felt lucky no one had seen him as he entered, the noise from the table being quite loud for once as talk filled the downstairs. Checking to make sure no one was looking, he slipped past the doorway and upstairs to his room.

He didn’t want to see anyone.

Thomas bit his lip hard, he wouldn’t cry, he wouldn’t cry, he wouldn’t-oh who was he kidding? The wet on his cheeks were not from a leaking pillow. It took a while, but he finally felt the tears dry up and the cold ball he had felt so long ago settled back in his chest. He wasn’t suicidal, he was certainly feeling down, hurt and sad, but he was not going to try and end his life again.

He was going to reach out though. He wasn’t going to allow this to consume him as it had last time.

See, he could learn. He couldn’t keep a boyfriend but he could work on his mental health.

There was a knock at the door, and this time Thomas wasn’t going to fall for it, the door may not have been locked, but he wasn’t going to admit he was here. He wasn’t ready to admit he had messed everything up.

‘Thomas, I know you’re in there. Please can I come in?’ Miss Baxter’s voice came through the door. Thomas still didn’t answer but this time wasn’t surprised when the door opened.

‘Please tell me you are decent.’ Miss Baxter asked. Lifting his head from the pillow, he looked over to the door and had to snort at Miss Baxter coming in with her hand over her eyes.

‘I’m decent Phyllis.’ He reassured her. Her hand instantly dropped and their eyes met. Her shoulders dropped and her face filled with concern at the sight of him. It made Thomas wonder just how bad he looked, he could guess his eyes were red rimmed, but he had hoped his pomade had held his hair in place. His eyes flicked up and saw a few tendrils of hair. Guess it failed, if the children saw him now he would have been doctored to insanity in no time at all and most likely have more soft toys than he could count in his bed.

Again.

It had taken him 10 minutes to uncover his bed last time they got the impression he was slightly sad. He still wasn’t sure how they had brought them all up to his room with no one seeing, he was suspecting they had help.

He really loved those children.

‘Oh Thomas, what happened?’ Phyllis came over to the bed and sat on the edge next to where he was still lying down and began rubbing a gentle hand over his back in comfort.

‘I messed everything up. I’ve lost him Phyllis.’ His voice cracked in the middle and he slumped back into the bed. ‘I just couldn’t get anything right.’

‘Did he tell you that?’ Phyllis’ voice was low and soothing, it was just what Thomas needed.

‘He didn’t want to see me. I went there to have dinner but I was late again. He didn’t even open the door. He’s finally had enough of me.’

‘I’m sure that isn’t true. You need to talk to him.’ Thomas shook his head.

‘He’s right, I’m not good enough for him, he was bound to get tired of me sooner or later. I just made it happen sooner.’

‘Thomas Barrow, I will not have you talking about yourself that way. You are a kind, generous and giving man with a lot to offer someone. Don’t give up on him, I’m sure there is an explanation for this evening. He doesn’t come across as the type of person just to cut you out of his life with no explanation.’

Thomas didn’t answer, he was tired and sad and just wanted to lay there in peace. Phyllis took the hint and didn’t push any further, instead she toed off her shoes and swung her legs onto the bed. Gently, she nudged Thomas into her lap and pulled the book off the night stand and opened it to the bookmark and began reading.

She hadn’t even made it part of the way down the page when voices bounced off the walls outside the room. Thomas and Phyllis exchanged looks as Thomas sat up, looking towards the door that wasn’t shut, he would not even consider compromising Phyllis like that in case anyone saw them, but it was pushed slightly too.

‘This really isn’t appropriate. What if he doesn’t want to see you? I will not allow him to be hurt in his own home!’ Mrs Hughes intimidating voice made Thomas feel sorry for whoever was at the sharp end of her tongue. She was not a woman you disobeyed. He was pretty sure not even Mr Carson ever disobeyed her.

‘Mrs Hughes, I am beyond grateful you have Thomas’ best interests at heart, but I do need to speak to him. Believe me, the last thing I want is for him to be hurt, which is why I am here.’ To Thomas’ shock, he realised it was Luke’s voice replying to the housekeeper.

‘That is the only reason you have been able to get this far.’ Her voice was dry but serious.

‘I thank you for that.’ Luke sounded just as serious, though Thomas was more focused on the fact they sounded very close to his room. He froze, torn between the idea of hiding under his bed, in the wardrobe or slamming the door shut, wedging it with a chair and climbing out the window.

It seemed Miss Baxter had an idea where his thoughts were going as she grabbed his arm and gave him a look to say she would foil whichever choice he made.  

He had to try though.

The yelp he gave when she pulled him back onto the bed was of course very manly. She really was stronger than she looked. Of course, he had also been off balance and that was the story he was sticking to. He had won a tug of war after all, he had strength, he was not delicate as people kept insisting.

Of course, the yelp had also brought the visitors faster to his room as Luke and Mrs Hughes looked at the pair of them, one in surprise and the other in exasperation.

‘Miss Baxter, you were supposed to be cheering him up not causing him pain.’ Mrs Hughes gently scolded the other lady, who did not look the least repentant.

‘Needs must Mrs Hughes.’ Phyllis replied, and finally let go of Thomas’ arm, who rubbed it looking sulkily at her.

‘I suppose. Mr Barrow, please let us know if you need us, we will be just outside. Mr Smith,’ Mrs Hughes allowed the other man in before the ladies took their exit, pulling the door too to give them some privacy, but not all the way to remind them there were people outside. His family may be okay with their relationship, but he would never even consider having sex when they were nearby and while Anna and Mr Bates had caught them kissing that once, they had been even more careful to make sure they were not caught again.

‘Thomas.’ Luke greeted the other man awkwardly, looking more than a little lost. It was not a look Thomas liked, and liked even less as he had been the one to put it there.

‘Luke.’ Thomas replied. ‘I’m sorry. I know I made a mess of things again, I understand why you don’t want to be with me anymore.’

‘Pardon? Where did you get that idea from? I love you Thomas! I love your pig headed, stubborn, paranoid self. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, so please talk to me. What happened?’ Luke’s outburst stunned Thomas into silence. He’d never had anyone be as passionate about Thomas as this.

‘I just never get it right. No matter how hard I try and show you how much I love you it just goes wrong. I just thought tonight was the last thing and you wanted me gone, it was why you didn’t open the door.’ Thomas was more than a little surprised at Luke’s aggravated groan before he flung himself into the chair near to the bed.

‘If I didn’t love you so much I would want to shake you! I fell asleep in the bath! I woke up to your knocking and by the time I was decent enough to answer the door, you were gone. I came straight after.’ Thomas flushed a little in embarrassment at his over-reaction. He should have waited a little longer, questioned a little more. Then again, with something this important, maybe it wasn’t a surprise. ‘I have loved everything you have done for me. I love our dates, I love our time in and out of bed and I love our conversations.’ Thomas’ gaze flicked to the door at such risky talk, but he couldn’t help the heated gaze he shot at Princess.

‘I’ve loved it too. It’s just, all of the dates you plan go so well, and mine just, don’t.’ Luke shook his head in disbelief.

‘First of all, it has been far more fun when the unexpected happened. The rain, getting to run along the paths with you, sheltering under the trees, sharing bath to warm up. How could I not love it? The cooking, when we got to then spend more time together making something new. It gave us stories, we got to spend more time together. The dates that went right were fun, but the ones that didn’t go to plan are even better. I have loved every second with you and I am going to continue loving spending time with you for as long as you’ll have me.’ Luke argued passionately. Thomas rose from the bed and crouched in front of Luke, mirroring the day when they had begun dating, and took his hands in his own.

‘I have loved every minute as well, I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m not as good at talking about things as you are, or about my feelings, but I do love you, please don’t doubt that.’

‘I’ll forgive you, but we do need to communicate better. I don’t ever want to feel as I did tonight again.’

‘I don’t either. I’ll try, but please be patient with me.’

‘I will. I love you.’

‘Love you too.’ Thomas smiled and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend, feeling lighter than he had done for a while. He liked Luke’s way of looking at the world. Just because things didn’t fit Thomas’ version of perfect didn’t mean things weren’t good, that if you adjusted your view there was always good there. Maybe Thomas just needed to put less pressure on himself, he wasn’t perfect and yet Luke loved him.

It was going to be something he was going to be thinking about a lot in the future, one conversation was not going to take away all his fears and doubts, but it was a start.

Maybe talking to Luke wasn’t going to be as hard as he had always imagined, they had survived this conversation hadn’t they? Maybe, just like after his suicide attempt, talking to others would stop things getting as bad as they had at the crisis points.

He was really starting to hate the word maybe.

A light knock at the door made them pull back from one another, a small smile they couldn’t help but share. To be a little more discreet, Thomas moved back to the bed, their hands reluctantly letting go with a small squeeze.

‘Yes?’ Thomas called out as though he had no idea why someone was knocking. The door swung open and Mrs Hughes unimpressed face told him he was fooling no one.

‘Is everything alright?’ Miss Baxter did look slightly concerned.

‘We’re fine Phyllis,’ Thomas reassured her, and was pleased to see Mrs Hughes also looked happy at his answer.

‘I’d like to thank both of you for your hospitality,’ Luke added politely, and Thomas had a distinct feeling the other man was nervous.

‘Would you like to come down for a little bit to eat. Mrs Patmore has set aside a little bit for you both, I have a feeling you haven’t eaten yet.’ Mrs Hughes bustled the two men out of the room which didn’t surprise Thomas at all. She would never have let any couple be in a room on their own if they were not married. Of course they could never be married but it was a standard he knew she kept for everyone and had nothing to do with who he was dating.

The four of them made their way down the stairs to the servants hall where they saw two plates waiting for them. They also who was waiting for them. It looked as though the hall boys had gone up to their rooms for the night, it wasn’t unusual as they liked to play board or card games in their room, and he knew it had been Peters half day leaving Daisy, Mrs Patmore, Andy and the Bates family waiting for them.

Guess this was going to be the time Luke was introduced to the family.

‘Thank you very much Mrs Patmore, it looks like a lovely dinner. I have heard many great things about your and Mrs Masons cooking.’ Luke thanked the cooks respectfully as he and Thomas took a seat and began eating the dinner that had been left for them.

Subtlety was no ones strong suit, except Mr Bates maybe who stayed sitting by the fire as he rocked Phillip to sleep. Everyone else took seats next to the two men with intense looks on their faces.

‘Is there something you would like to ask?’ Luke asked and Thomas was impressed with the man’s courage. He would have been ducking his head and trying to block out the world.

Or running, running sounded really good right now. He just didn’t think Luke would be very impressed if he left him to the wolves, and from the hand on his knee, Luke knew exactly what he was thinking.

Wow that man knew him well.

Then again, from the look from everyone else he wasn’t the only one to pick up on Thomas flee response.

‘Have you made up?’ Daisy pounced at the first opportunity and Luke relaxed.

‘We have, it was just a misunderstanding that we will work on to make sure it doesn’t happen again.’ It was a vague enough answer that he hadn’t given away any details but at the same time would hopefully reassure their small crowd all was well.

The next question was cut off as the bell rang. Looking up, Thomas saw it was the Nursery, and per his and Mrs Hughes agreement, that was his responsibility. He shot Luke and apologetic look before abandoning the man to his interrogators.

Luke was certainly going to make him pay for that later.

Entering the bedroom, he was surprised to see the two children sitting in Master Georges bed with their arms crossed looking very stubborn. Nanny just looked exasperated.

‘I’m very sorry to disturb you Mr Barrow, the children refused to go to bed until they saw you.’ Thomas didn’t blame Nanny, this one he actually got on very well with. They had an understanding,  he helped her whenever she needed it, and she allowed him time with the children which gave her time to do all the odd jobs the children kept her too busy to keep on top of. They worked well as a team.

‘Master George, Miss Sybbie, how may I help you this evening when you should be asleep?’ Thomas straightened and looked between the children expectantly. The children exchanged looks, something that worried Thomas more as they were normally up to mischief whenever they looked like this.

‘We made you something.’ Master George stated seriously, and Miss Sybbbie nodded hard in agreement. Thomas crouched in front of the children, he really was a push over when it came to these two.

‘You have?’

From below the duvet, the children pulled out a slightly misshapen, lopsided teddy bear. It looked handmade, sewn out of a plush brown material he suspected costed more than he would ever care to know, its glass eyes were slightly crooked and it’s ears weren’t level but it’s smile was kind. It was well stuffed with a red ribbon around its neck and was the best teddy bear Thomas had ever seen. He suspected Nanny had helped, probably a lot from the almost professional finish and the tiny stitches that had sewn it up. He could also see the children’s work though, and that meant the most to him.

Thomas felt choked up, no one had ever done anything so nice for him before. He didn’t have a teddy and these two wonderful children had made him one.

‘Thank you, he’s beautiful.’ Thomas took the bear from them and stared at in wonder.

‘You like him?’ Miss Sybbie looked at him eagerly.

‘I really, really do, thank you both.’ Thomas pulled the teddy close into his arms and then was hugged very hard by the children.

‘I thought I saw a light on.’ Lady Mary’s voice interrupted the scene, and Thomas tried to pull back to stand to attention. He then found the children had no intention of letting him go, and instead had to fight not to end up on the floor in a heap. A male hand steadied him even as Lady Mary waved off his attempt. ‘Is everything alright here?’

‘Yes Milady.’ Thomas replied, schooling his face to his usual impassiveness.

‘We made Mr Bawwow a present.’ Master George said proudly.

‘You did?’ Mr Branson’s voice was behind him, and Thomas now knew who had helped him stay upright.

The children released him from the hug, and Thomas stood, proudly but with a touch of shyness showing off the bear.  Neither Mr Branson or Lady Mary made any gesture to try and take the bear, and Thomas wondered if there was something written on his face that suggested they shouldn’t try.

‘Mr Bawwow doesn’t have a teddy bear,’ Miss Sybbie stated as a matter of fact.

‘So we made him one, then he can never be sad or ill again.’ Master George finished with an innocence Thomas never wanted to see fade. It was hard to believe he had only ben a few years older than Master George when his mother died, he wasn’t sure he had ever been this innocent.

‘I will treasure it always,’ Thomas told them seriously, unconsciously cuddling the bear. Lady Mary and Mr Branson had to work hard to hide their smiles at the sight of their butler cuddling a bear. Thomas ignored them, the children had made it for him That was worth any look he received.

‘I think it may be time for bed now,’ Tom broke the atmosphere, shuffling the children to their beds.

‘I’m sure if you go to bed now, I will see you tomorrow. I think a teddy bears picnic would be enough to look forward to.’ Thomas spoke quietly to the children as the groans and begging for their Bawwow to stay and read to them and tuck them in started to reach fever pitch. He watched as their eyes lit up with glee, then made a dignified exit appropriate to his standing, also known as a mad dash out of the door as he left the parents to deal with the fall out of his exciting idea.

He knew he was going to hear about it later when he heard Mr Branson shout out ‘Really Thomas!’ after him, but there was no malice in it. It was no secret he played with the children, and in fact both parents had encouraged it after seeing how happy it made all of them. He could only suppose Lady Mary was remembering her own childhood with Carson, and wanted the same for her son, but either way, they had given him a lot more leeway with them than most people would receive.

Heading back downstairs, Thomas could hear the laughter from the kitchen, and wasn’t surprised. Luke could charm anyone to his will. Unfortunately, it sounded like Thomas himself was the subject at the moment.  

‘So there I am lying there, a bullet in my leg and blind in one eye, and Thomas and Private Rawlins, come running past. I called out to them, and Thomas took one look at me and told me to stop being a layabout and get on with it!’ Luke is gesticulating madly and everyone is hanging on his every word. The war wasn’t funny, it wasn’t a laughing matter, and yet Luke made it feel it was okay to talk about some of the better times. There were bad times, very bad times, after all, he hadn’t got his hand shot because he enjoyed being there, but he did have some stories that wouldn’t give people nightmares for the next few months.

‘You would have thought you were really injured if I had starting fretting over you.’ Thomas interrupted the story with a roll of his eyes.

‘I was really injured.’ Luke retorted.

'It was barely a scratch!' 

'I dread to think what you would consider really hurt if that was a scratch.'

‘Wouldn’t have helped anyone if you thought you were dying.’ Luke just rolled his eyes and ignored Thomas’ interruption as though it hadn’t happened, happily continuing with his tale.

‘Anyway, we then ended up stuck in a foxhole for what felt like days.’

‘It was hours, really Luke.’ Thomas corrected him again, getting into the spirit of the story.

‘And Thomas and Rawlins spent the whole time telling the dirtiest jokes. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life, or worked out where he learnt them all from,’ Luke finished, ignoring the terror they had experienced as the world seemed to end around them, clutching to each other as death surrounded the three them. Rawlins had been killed the week after.

‘Sergeant Wold, and no I am not telling you them Daisy.’ Daisy’s face fell and she pouted much to his amusement.

‘A wise decision Mr Barrow,’ Mrs Hughes agreed much to everyone’s amusement.

‘Mr Barrow, where did the bear come from, is that one of the children’s? Do they need it fixed?’ Anna asked, spotting the bear.

‘No, it’s mine.’ Thomas admitted shyly. ‘The children made it for me.’

‘That’s lovely.’ Daisy beamed.

‘It is.’ Thomas agreed, not even considering letting anyone else touch the bear. It was far too precious to even consider it.

Luke’s smile only warmed him more, the look of pride and warmth at Thomas’ connection with the family, with the children. It was a look he could see reflected in his friends faces as well, even Mr Bates, something he never thought he would see.

‘Okay, I think it is starting to get late.’ Mrs Hughes declared, and Thomas nodded in agreement. Mr Carson would be waiting for her and Anna and Mr Bates needed to get little Phillip home. It was a miracle the child hadn’t awoken with the noise they were making but he wasn’t going to complain.

The party began to break up and people started to put on coats. Thomas really hated how many people left each night, but times changed. It was never going to be as busy as it used to be downstairs.

Sometimes Thomas missed that.

Other times he actually got to finish his book.

 Thomas could tell he and Luke were dawdling, allowing everyone else to leave first. Finally though they brushed past each other, their hands touching and Thomas quickly turned his hand over and squeezed Luke’s hand before walking on, no one else the wiser.

Thomas leaned against the door frame and watched Luke in the courtyard go over to Anna and take her basket leaving her both hands to carry Phillip. Thomas wondered where Mr Bates was, he thought he had gone out before Anna.

‘I hope this answers your question about how it feels for everyone to be pleased at your relationship.’ Mr Bates voice came from behind him, startling him slightly.

‘It does, it really does. Thank you Mr Bates, don’t think I ever realised how much it would mean to me to have this. I never thought I would, that I could.’ Thomas shook his head slightly, still not believing all of this had really happened. ‘Thank you for everything you have done for me Mr Bates, you really are a good friend.’

‘It’s been a pleasure Thomas.’

‘That it has John.’

Mr Bates walked to where his wife and Luke were waiting in the courtyard and watched them walk away until the gate closed behind them. He then locked the door and decided to turn in for bed.

Putting on his pyjamas, he looked at the teddy that had been so lovingly created just for him and wondered how he had ever gotten so lucky.  

It was hard to believe he was the same man who had plotted and schemed against the people downstairs and anyone who crossed his path. He was the same man who had thought his life was over after that kiss, and again when he tried to take is own life. Who had tried to hard to change himself with that electro therapy treatment, who had gone to war and got himself home again. Who had thought he would never love again after Jacks beating, never trust again after the betrayal of his biological family and would never have children to love.

Yet here he was, in love with an honourable man, had a new family who cared about him and wanted his relationship to succeed, children who ruled him with an iron fist and hearts so big he couldn’t believe it. He had a job he loved, in a place he had put down roots with people who wanted him.

Life really couldn’t get any better. It really couldn’t.

 He was, dare he say it, happy.


End file.
